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“I’m not a child.”
I shake my head. “But you are. You're a child in aman'sworld playing aman'sgame.”
“If I’m such a child, what do you want with me then?”
I return to the doorway as her body starts to sway, knowing I’m at the end of my fun here and she’s going to pass out any minute now. But I look back to answer her question since it is a valid one.
“Even children can kill, so long as you arm them with the right weapon and enough fuel to drown your enemies in fire. The art is in breaking their soul so they are more than willing to do the dirty work for you. As you mentioned, I failed with my son. I will not fail with you.”
I close the door just before she hits the floor, passing out cold. I watch her on camera for a minute before leaving.
This game is going to be so much more fun this time around.
Chapter 1
Hollow. That’s all I feel. Nothing matters anymore. It’s kind of ironic really. The man who wanted me to do his bidding, needed me to be willing to die for my revenge, is the same man I plan to kill even if it kills me.
It’s been at least six days based on the amount of food I’ve been given. I’m now in a locked cell that is crafted of cold concrete and an iron door. My only communications are the opening and closing of the slot for food and water. There’s a bucket in the corner I refuse to look at and a single blanket on a thin cot that lays on the ground.
Then, there’s the camera. At first I would try to stare it down, willing anyone that can see me to be afraid of the wrath I can bring. But that game got exhausting, so now I pretend it’s not there.
The floor is chipped and broken, mirroring how I feel on the inside. It’s so cold that even when I force myself to sleep, I’ll wake up shaking, clinging to the thin blanket for dear life.
At least I still have my black boots. They help keep me warm, along with the awful smelling clothes I still have. They may have blood stains on them, but they’re still warm.
I have these moments where I’m torn between being strong and being who I am. Dr. K told me it was okay to feel.But what happens when you don’t feel anything at all? Is that okay too?
The night terrors are back in full swing, and I have a strong feeling I’m being drugged with every meal I receive. I try to be smart and inspect the food. But when you want to hide these things, it’s easy. Plus, it’s all I’m getting and I clearly need to eat. I can’t kill Adrik if I let myself starve to death.
I go between hours of working out ruthlessly until I pass out cold on the floor, to hours of being curled up in a ball where I try to will my heart to stop beating. It would be easier. In the past six days without them, each minute that passes, my heart hardens a little more toward the world. Soon enough, it won’t be a place worth living anymore. Maybe if it all ended now, I could go tothem.
I’ve always believed in life after death, but is what waits on the other side a worse version of this? Will I have to live in a world where I see the men I love hurting? Will it be peaceful?
Have you ever noticed that when at a funeral people will say ‘they are at peace’ in reference to their bodies being still? I’ve never been at peace when I’m still.
The only times I’ve found peace are when I’m running or working out with my guys. It’s in the moments Alexi and I cooktogether. The times Lev and I snuggle and laugh while Damien tells jokes. Peace isn’t staying still, it's being so full of life all you can do is chase the next breath in hopes for more of it.
Being still is death. It’s hollow.It’s me.
The door to the food slot opens and shuts; the familiar sound of a tray scraping the metal hits my ears, and I ease myself up to get it. If I eat, I can work out. If I work out, I can stay strong. If I can stay strong, I can kill him.
I take the tray and set it on the floor, eating the bread and drinking the protein shake before pushing myself in the only way I know will allow me to sleep. A hard workout.
???
When I wake up, my head feels full.Yup, definitely being drugged again. Super cool. What is with this asshat and drugs, anyway?
The first thing I notice as the world comes into focus is that I’m no longer in my cell. Instead, I’m in what looks like a large warehouse. The lights are dim and I squint my eyes, trying to understand what’s going on. Then, I hear his voice.
“Princess?”
My chest tightens.It can’t be him, he’s dead. Right?
I try to push myself up as a figure comes closer.
“Little Shadow?”
A sob leaves my lips and I try to get to them, but my limbs are tied down.
