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He smiles back at me, genuinely.
“It helps knowing I can be there for you too, E. I need you to know how sorry I am for not seeing what Adrik was doing until it was too late.”
“You weren’t too late though. You were right on time.”
“Hardly.” He chuckles, but it’s not one of humor. It’s more of regret and I hate that.
“Listen, we are responsible for our own actions. The only thing your actions ever did was protect and care about me. As far as I’m concerned, you have nothing to apologize for.”
He squeezes my hand as we breathe through the hurt. Then, he pulls back and puts the tray of food on my lap. The mood changes in an instant. We aren’t putting up walls or shutting out our emotions, just letting the good outweigh the bad for a little bit.
“If you don’t eat, Alexiwillkill me.”
I laugh even though it hurts like a bitch and get back to eating as Havoc fills me in on every detail I’d missed while being held captive. It feels like I’ve been gone for months.
So many things have changed in what I found out was only three weeks. But I’m not giving up. They got me back, and I’m never going anywhere ever again. Those boys, this family, this love…it ismine.
Chapter 14
Have you ever stared at someone for so long that you don’t recognize who’s right in front of you? I’m sitting in my room at our apartment with my eyes glued to one of the many screens in front of me.
I have the picture pulled up of Evie, the one I took the day we went to the warehouse and I told her about my mother. But my sight feels glazed over, and it’s like I don’t even remember that moment. No matter how hard I try to picture how perfect everything was, my heart refuses to believe it.
My phone pings with a text.
Dr. K: How are you doing today?
I exhale a sigh. I’ve been messaging her to try and figure out the talking issue, but when we got all of the information about what Evie’s uncle and Damien’s dad had been doing to her, I just shut down.
I’m supposed to be helping get the house set up for her, but I don’t believe she’s coming back here. Damien told us what she did that night at the airport. She tried to sacrifice herself to save us and didn’t even stop to think about how that would make us feel.
Lev: Is she going to recover from this?
It’s the only answer I care to hear. Since Dr. K is with Evie, maybe she can give me something to cling to. I wipe the sweat building on my palms on my pants as I wait for her response.
Dr. K: Does your life depend on it?
Lev: Right now, I feel like it does.
Dr. K: Then it sounds like you should be asking a different question, Lev.
Lev: What question is that?
Dr. K: Areyougoing to recover from this?
I sit back, not having a response to give. It’s pretty hypocritical of me to sit here and expect Evie to get better so that I can. Dr. K knows it too.
Dr. K: You can’t expect her to do all of the work here, Lev. The four of you are a unit. A team. When one of you struggles, you all do.
I’ve been journaling like she suggested when she first got here, and while it helps sometimes, I feel like I need more guidance or something. Sitting up in my chair, I ready myself to make a change. Evie is going to be working hard to get better for us, I know she will. I have to at leasttryto do the same.
Lev: What do I need to do?
Dr. K: Find a release from the pain. Find joy in something that will help you pick through the maze of your feelings.
Looking back up to the picture I was staring at, some of it finally comes into focus.
Lev: Okay.
