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“How many of those shirts did you order?”
He gives a nonchalant shrug and turns around, jogging up the steps and heading to go change. “Enough.”
But it’s Lev who mouths the word ‘twenty’ to me and I laugh again. They sure do know how to flip my mood in an instant.
Nessa meets us first, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, wearing loose shorts and a t-shirt. She looks like a bit of a mess, considering it’s the middle of the day, and she’s been working with Boris.
Realization dawns on me as she walks with us to the main living area.That’s not her shirt. Holy shit.She must sense my thoughts because her cheeks turn pink. Laney mentioned Nessa having a boy toy. I just didn’t realize that ‘toy’ was the father of one of my boyfriends.
Nope, not going there. Do not need to think about that right now.
We all take a seat on the couch while Nessa fills us in on her call. The girls should be arriving from the airport in an hour, but we wanted to have everything together first so we can all get on the same page.
When Boris enters the room, I freeze. Our eyes lock and my muscles tense more than what should be possible. I can feel them contracting and cramping, pulsing as I try to calm myself. He stays still though as I do every exercise in my head that Dr. K has taught me.
The idea of pain floods my mind, but no real pain actually comes. When my brain is able to process that, I can loosen my body enough to grab the sour candy from my pocket.
My hand twitches, and the first thought I have is that I should be reaching for a gun, but I don’t let that idea take root. Instead, I think of the time Boris and I ate ice cream while he gave me every story about Alexi I could ask for, and even some about Lev and Damien.
I focus on the ways he has proven to be there for me and to care for me. He has welcomed me into his family as if it were my own and has been willing to fight by my side this entire time with no questions asked. He got us bracelets to keep us all safe, and even accepted my closest friend into his organization.
He is not the enemy. He is not the enemy. He is not…
I fight to take a breath. My eyes burn, and my lungs ache. Every fiber of my being feels like it’s on fire.
End him and you can find your peace. End him to make the pain stop.
Alexi approaches me, but my gaze stays trained on my target. Onhim. Except, as he stares back at me, his ocean eyes remind me so much of the man I love. A new ache fills me with the memories of my dark angel always fighting for me.
Startling everyone, I reach for the gun in Alexi’s holster. It’s easy to flick open the leather clasp that keeps it caged to his body. Before anyone can blink, I take aim.
But those fucking eyes.
Alexi steps in front of me, blocking his father and reminding me he’s here. I don’t have to do this.
Do it and you can have peace. No more pain. No more fighting. You are so tired, child. Just kill him so you can rest.
My mind seems to sink back into the trance that I’m so fucking sick of repeating. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to live if it means hurting the ones I love.
Before anyone can stop me, I bring the gun to my head. Hot tears stream down my face as Alexi looks down at me in so much pain.
If I end it now, then no one can use me against them. They can win without me, I know it. My finger brushes the trigger, and I fall to my knees with a sob that’s ripped from my soul.
When you pull the trigger, it will all go away. You won’t have to fight anymore.
I’m back in that room again, on that table. I’m cold and scared, doing everything I can not to give the sadist circling me a moment of my weakness. But the fight doesn’t feel worth it anymore. Nothing does.
A new pain pulls me from that place, and I open my eyes to find Lev on his knees in front of me, squeezing my free hand to the point of pain.
“Come back, Lucky Charm. Come back. It’s okay. We’re here. Come back to us, Lucky Charm.”
Everything in the room spins, but Lev stays right there, unwavering.
“Fix it,” I beg him.
“Fix what?” He tries to lean in, reaching for the gun as my voice breaks.
“Me.”
