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“If I can’t break you, then I will kill you.” He lights up a smoke and blows it in my face. “Maybe I’ll do it just for fun.”
My laughter dies out only to be replaced by screams as the pain overcomes me again. And this time, I pray for death to come for me. Anything is better than this.
“Hey, hey,” Damien shakes me and I let out a shuddering breath, unable to suck in more air. My limbs tremble, but I remind myself I can move them. I can turn my head.
“Breathe, Lucky Charm.” Lev takes my hand and places it on his chest so I can feel his inhale and exhale.
I let his touch ground me and center my focus on his breathing. In and out. In and out. Allowing my mind to go black, it forces the ugly memories away. Not into a cage to fester, but just away, out of me.
“Let it pass, Little Shadow.”
I do as Damien says, breathing out the cruelty and in the combined scent of the men I love.
“You’re safe, Princess.” Alexi’s hand finds mine and squeezes. I’m finally able to open my eyes. I’m in Damien’s lap in the back of the SUV with Lev in front of me and Alexi behind.
A shaky smile crosses my face as I look at them.
“Thank you,” I say. My voice is shaky but coming back.
“What triggered this?” Alexi asks, already in planning mode.
“I think the smoke.” I see the driver stiffen in my peripheral and Alexi clenches my hand tighter, but I squeeze back.
“Do not punish him, none of us could have known. I didn’t remember Rostya used to smoke when he got pissed about me fighting back.”
I look behind me at Alexi as his jaw clenches so tight I swear he’s going to break a tooth, and Damien’s eyes are wide.
“This is no one's fault. There are only two demons to slay and neither of them are in this car.”
I touch both of their faces, making their eyes fall to mine. My throat feels scratchy, but I lean into them both as I whisper.
“I love you.”
They finally relax, and after a minute, I climb into Lev’s lap. He breathes so steadily it helps me calm down, just to feel the rise and fall of his chest. I think he knows it too because he always takes my hand and presses it to him, never making me ask for that comfort. Always giving it before I think to ask or do it myself.
Dr. K says we all seem to have a sixth sense for each other and our needs. When we walk through situations that involve one of us being overwhelmed she will ask us what could help center our minds when they feel chaos. It’s never the person feeling it that answers though.
We all struggle with what we think we need, but the others tend to already know. It’s evident in the way we reach for each other without words and bring comfort with small touches.
They all know just how to help me, and I know just how to help them. We are a unit through and through, and I don’t care what people think anymore because I am loved and protected.
Nothing else matters.
???
We’re sitting on the cathedral’s stage, watching as people file in. No one appears to be happy to be here, but up until now, no one seems to have an ulterior motive.
Havoc and Nessa are scouting the rooftops with Havoc’s top guy. They have their eyes on us, and Damien kept all of us close to the bunker should an attack actually happen.
Been there, done that. Won’t be caught unprepared again.
There are a million contingency plans that we’ve worked through over the past two days, but so far plan A is working out.
Damien is sitting next to me, Lev beside him, and Alexi on my other side with Boris next to him. Laney is with us along with Kia and Lyra. I can tell the girls mean a lot to Nessa by the way she insists they be protected with us, and I do feel like they have earned our protection. They’re part of the reason I’m even here after all.
“E, I’ve got eyes on a potential Shade, can you confirm?”
I move to look out the window, losing all sense of protecting myself when Damien yanks me back. The episode from earlier still plays on my mind, distracting me.
