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“Baby, the costume is already perfect; stop adding those sparkles to it,” Vassar said, kissing the top of my head as I picked up the needle to add a few more beads around the middle.
I still add five more, and then I sit there crying over it, and Vas rushes over to me. “What is it? Did you poke yourself?” He takes my hands, examining them for any damage, but I shake my head.
“No, I’m not hurt,” I say in a teary voice. My husband is lost because I don’t cry, so he has no idea what to do with me now.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying myself, to be honest. It’s just that suddenly I realized that Victoria is growing up so fast, and soon she won’t be my little mermaid anymore.”
The other day, when we went to see her auntie Katerina’s ballet show, and she watched it without blinking, asking me when she could start ballet as soon as the show was over, and Kate promised to take her, and I broke down crying then just like I am now. Only then I hid in the bathroom.
“Oh, baby.” He cradles my head to his chest. “Sure, she is growing up, but she will never stop being your little mermaid. I promise you that. She worships the ground you walk on, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
“I know I’m being silly.” I brush away my tears.
“No, you’re not. You are just the best mom Victoria could ever have.”
Oh hell, a fresh wave of cries washes over me just as the door swings open, and our daughter flies inside our room, jumping into our bed wearing her sleepy smile that slips as soon as she sees my tears.
“Mommy, did you have a nightmare?” She crawls into my lap, winding her little hands around me.
“No.” I smile softly. “It tried to come, but I put it in time out.”
“Good job, mommy!” She nuzzles into me deeper. “But why are you crying then?”
“I’m just very happy that I have you and sad that you are growing up so fast, and all too soon, you will want to leave us to be with some lucky Prince Charming.”
Vee scrunches up her head as Vas chuckles in the background. “You are being silly again, mommy. Boys are disgusting. I don’t want any of those. I only want you and dad. I’ll stay with you forever, and we can go get our nails done and buy more matching outfits and be best friends until you are very old and die.”
I burst out laughing. “Gee, thanks, little mermaid.”
“But that won’t happen for a long, long time, right? You won’t leave me?” I hugged her closer.
“Never, honey. You are my gift from heaven, and I’ll never leave you.”
“From heaven? I didn’t come from heaven, mommy.”
I smile and draw my hand through her soft hair. “I want to show you something,” I say and set her down on our bed, moving towards our closet where an old box still sits up on the top.
This time, when I open it and see the little piece of my soul inside it, I don’t feel an overwhelming need to bow down in pain and run away from the painful past. Now I’m seeing it for the blessing it was. For a brief moment of happiness in my life and, most importantly, for what it gifted me in the future.
I come back with the box to Victoria and hand it to her.
“I want you to have this.”
“What is it, mommy?”
“It’s a very special blanket. It belonged to your older sister.”
“I have a sister?” Her eyes light up like a thousand Christmas lights, and a sad smile pulls on my face.
“You do, but she lives in heaven. She’s been there for a while, watching over all of us. And I think it was all her doing. I think it was your sister who brought you to me, and that’s why you are my gift from heaven.”
Victoria pries open the lid, and in lies that small pink blanket with butterflies I saved and saved to buy from the moment my doctor told me I was pregnant at seventeen. I didn’t have much,only a part-time job at a nearby fast-food place, but I kept every spare penny and bought her this blanket mere days before she was ripped away from me.
I wanted to throw it into the ocean a million times. Wanted it to follow my baby down to the bottom of the Atlantic floor, but that would mean losing that last piece of her that I have, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
And now it gets a second chance. A new beginning as Vee pulls it out and hugs it close to her heart.
“I love it, mommy! Can you tell my sister thank you! She’s the best! Maybe I can fly over to her one day and bring her here to us?”
