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“Going somewhere?” Mother’s cold crawls all over me, the bottom of my stomach falling down with a crunching thud. Myheart picks up its paste, adrenaline kicking in. I won’t back down. Not this time. Not when I have something to live for.
“I am,” I answer, speaking up to her for the first time in my life.
“Let me guess, to whore my property away for free to that idiot from the grocery store?” Dread fills me.
She knows about Jonny. Does she know the other part?
“I’m leaving.”
“The fuck you are,” she spits out, snatching my bag from my hands and, in the process, spilling all the contents of it. Including the thin strip with two lines that her eyes zeroed in on right away. I want to punch myself for being so stupid and keeping it. I knew I should have thrown it away, but silly as it may seem, it’s the only connection I have to my baby. The only proof of a different life. And I don’t want to let go of it.
But now it’s too late.
Now I see the demons in my mother’s eyes as she looks from the pregnancy test over to me with murder written all over her body language. The language I learned long ago. I need to run, escape…before it’s too late.
I dropped whatever else I was holding. None of these matters, and beeline for the door only she is so much faster, especially in her anger. She snatches my hair with her hand, stopping me and dragging me back into the living room. She doesn’t care that my feet can’t keep up, and I fall to the ground as she keeps moving, and I cry out in pain, clutching for her hand and trying to pry it away.
“WHORE! I gave you a life. I fed you. I clothed you. I am giving you a possibility for a future with a well-off man, and you go throwing it all away!” She is gone. The demons took over her mind completely, and nothing I say will matter.
It never did before, and it surely won’t matter now.
“You, little, ungrateful bitch.” She lets go of my hair, dropping me to the hard ground with heavy force and hitting my head hard. “You wanted this?” I don’t even see her foot coming my way. I don’t see it when it connects with my nose, leaving crunching noises and my wails in its wake.
“Well, if you think it will see the light of day, you are gravely mistaken. I will cut that bastard out of your body and put you back on the market. I will get what I deserve for giving you this life!”
I have half a mind to wrap my hands over my stomach before her foot kicks me in there as well. Blood is trickling down my face, mixing with tears and pleas, but nothing will stop her.
“Please, no!” I scream with whatever I have.
She kicks and kicks and kicks me until I hear more crunching noises inside my body.
“S-stop…” I plead, but there is nothing that will stop this. She keeps landing punches and kicks until it becomes too hard to breathe. Until I am too weak to keep my hands over my stomach, and she pries them away, kicking me right to the gut as I cry out.
Until whatever hope I had in my heart dies out, and only one wish remains. Please, let this be a fast death…
My mind is too fuzzy. I feel like I am swimming in the ocean. I’ve never swum before in my life, so I can’t be sure, but I think it would feel like this. I think there are other voices, but maybe that’s how it sounds when you are crossing over to the other side.
I am sorry I couldn’t protect you, little one. I know I just got you in my body. I know I was scared, but I already felt love for you. I am sorry…
Chapter thirty-seven
Vassar
Song: Duncan Laurence, FLETCHER – Arcade
The howls and screams startle me from my sleep, my body jolting up with a jump. My initial thought is going to my daughter, thinking something’s wrong with her. Victoria sometimes has these intense nightmares, but every time I ask her about it in the morning, she says she doesn’t remember.
But as I climb out of the bed, the cries start to flood into my ears clearly, and immediately, I know they don’t belong to my daughter.
The sounds I hear are definitely coming from the room next to mine. And they are growing louder and louder, filled with so much pain and distress it’s seeping into my bones, cracking them wide open. The room fills with that deep-bone panic as I rush out without a second thought.
Kira is hurting. The thought is running on a loop in my mind. My Kira is hurting. And despite my little game of never letting her touch my skin or put her mouth on me again because I’m protecting my heart, I’m a damn liar. Because I’ve been too far gone for a long time now. And that heart of mine belongs to her whether she wants it or not.
Ripping the doors apart—first mine and then quickly hers—I freeze. The sight in front of me is a punch to my heart. Kira is thrashing on the bed; the sheets are rumpled and damp. Her body is glistening with sweat that is visible through the dark night.
But that’s not the worst. No, the sounds, the words I hear…those are so raw. So felt through, it makes me question if this is a nightmare at all.
“Please, don’t hurt my baby. Please! S-stop! Stop! STOP!”
