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“No that's not…” He rubs a hand down his face. “You were always stubborn and hard of hearing, just like me,” he laughs.
“Yeah, like father like daughter, both fucking up our relationships,” I mutter sourly as my mind goes to Asher. He’s been trying to call me all day, but I’ve ignored his calls, refusing to face what he has to say.
“Your mother and I fell out of love. I was planning on moving out, and then I met someone.” His eyes plead for me to understand. “I think I hurt your mother’s pride more than her feelings. That’s why you heard us arguing so much. She accused me of cheating before we decided to end it, but I never cheated on your mom. A few months later we kind of cooled down and your mother, though still pissed, didn't resent me anymore when she realized I met the woman after we decided to split. It wasn’t anything to do with you, Sammy. I’m sorry that we couldn’t keep it together for you.”
I look down at my hands while processing what I've just heard. They hadn't parted ways in a storm of anger and resentment, as I had always believed. Instead, their relationship has changed slowly over the years.
“Honey, I admit I made mistakes, lapses in judgment, and that I had a part in the breakdown of my marriage to your mother. But neither one of us wanted this. And though we both tried, we just couldn’t make it work.”
The weight of regret in his eyes was unmistakable with every word he spoke. I can tell that it still eats at him how things turned out, that he couldn’t save his family, and that it all ruined our relationship.
It takes time for old wounds to heal, but at least I’m not feeling so bitter anymore. “I get it, Dad. I was just a stupid kid who wanted to hold onto anger rather than try to understand. And now I’ve only grown into an even stupider and more unreasonable adult.”
“Yeah, well you got it from your…”
“...old man,” we both say at the same time.
I feel sorry for the years of sadness and longing both my parents had to endure. And having to deal with a raging teenager who refused to listen, I know now must’ve made things so much harder than it needed to be.
“I’m sorry, Dad.” I know the words aren’t enough, but it's where I can start.
“Old news, Sammy,” he says, trying to brush it off. “I’m just happy I got to finally tell you all of this. But now, tell me, what's going on with you?”
I give him a sarcastic look. “Come on, the whole town and all of Chicago probably know what's going on with me right now.”
“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you,” he prompts.
I shake my head. I know we are trying to heal our broken bond, but I’m not ready for that yet and I think he senses it, too.
“It's okay. Just, don't make the same mistake I did. Don't give up on love without a fight. Life is much too short to let fear and doubt dictate your decisions.” His words cut through the crazy emotions turning me upside-down.
Shortly after, and with the promise of another visit soon, I leave my dad’s house with the weight of years of resentment and misunderstanding lighter on my shoulders. I’ve gotten some clarity, but I know it will take more work and time for the uncertainties in my heart to settle and for the walls to come down completely.
I return to my hotel room and decide to call Kylie. Madi is great, but I need a little more subtlety right now. More of a push than a punch in the face. I dial her number and she picks up after the second ring, her voice filled with warmth and concern.
“Samantha, are you okay? I wanted to call but I wasn't sure you wanted to talk to anyone right now,” she says.
“Hey, Kylie.” I let out a sigh. “Yeah, I know I can be a little closed off. Can we talk?”
“I’m all ears, Samantha,” she says.
“So, you know how Asher and I have been trying to work things out? Well, I guess someone got a picture of us together at his launch party. He and I were at Mrs. Kendall's when the reporters showed up and things got all crazy. He had to go back to Chicago to do damage control, and I went back home to hide.”
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Kylie says in a whisper. “I hate reporters. No good for anything except sticking their noses where they don’t belong and making shit up.”
“Yeah,” I nod my head in agreement even though she can't see me. “So, I’ve been hiding out all day, and avoiding Asher’s calls, until I couldn’t take it anymore and went for a walk. That walk led me to see my dad.”
“How did that go?” she asks.
“I think it went better than expected. My mom has been begging me to talk to him for years, which has been hard for me to do since high school and their divorce. Well, we talked it out and I think with time things might be okay between us.”
Kylie and I talk for a little while longer and she listens patiently, offering words of comfort and encouragement, and she asks questions that make me reflect on my own feelings.
I recount what happened between Asher and me in high school, and Kylie sighs. “Samantha, it sounds like you have a chance at something real with Asher. Don't let the memory of that heartache hold you back. Worse, it seems like Valerie did some dirty trick. You said it yourself, you never saw Asher’s face, and you were kind of drunk. I’m sorry, but I'm going to pull a Madi and tell you to get your shit together.”
I laugh at her attempt at being brash. “Yeah, I know I have a communication problem. I promise I’ll work on it, starting with Asher.”
We say our goodbyes and promise to meet before I leave for Chicago.
