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“It wasn’t just Rob. We were young, and yes, he hurt me, and he broke my trust, and that helped make me closed off, or uptight, or whatever you want to call a workaholic who is afraid tocuddle. He might have been the mason that built my walls, and my best friend’s betrayal was like the concrete that held my walls together. But the bricks were already there. They weren’t the worst of it. I mean, you can’t let two assholes ruin you forever, right?”
“No one could ever ruin you. And as far as being afraid to cuddle? Maybe you’ve never cuddled with the right person.”
Her insides went soft. “You make me want all the things I’ve lived without for so long.” Her admission came easily, but with her next thought she sat up straighter, gathering her courage like a cloak. “Do you really want to know my deep dark secret?”
“Only if you’re ready to share it with me.”
She nodded, not knowing if she was ready or not, but she definitely wanted to try. “When I was seven, I came home from school and my mother was gone. She’d taken all her things and vanished. She didn’t leave a note, never called, and never looked back. My father told me that she’d been seeing another man. Some guy who came in and out of town on business. She fell in love with him, and when he was offered a job overseas, she went. She abandoned us. She paved the way and left a shitload of bricks that I carried around like the weight of the world for years. What happened with Rob just helped move those bricks from an unwieldy weight to a wall with a purpose.” Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.
He put his arms around her, but he didn’t say a word. And that’s what she needed, because he enabled her to borrow his strength to admit the worst of it.
“For years it was easier to pretend my mother had died rather than believe she could abandon me—us—and never look back. She never tried to contact me, and I never tried to track her down, even when I was a teenager and wanted to tear her apart with anger. At first I was too angry to contact her, then too hurt, and as I got older, I realized that nothing good could come from connecting with her, because what could she possibly say that would make what she’d done okay? I channeled all of those emotions into my drive to succeed. But now I realize how wrong I was to pretend my mother had died. It demeans the real pain caused by losing someone you loved. I’m so sorry, Dylan.”
He looked at her with so much empathy that it nearly did her in. “Babe, we all grieve differently, and you dealt with your mother leaving in the only way that allowed you to survive what you’d gone through. Your mother’s leaving was no less of a loss than our losing Lorelei.”
She kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. For him to decide she had too much baggage or that her work was too consuming. “You’re unbelievable. How can you be so understanding? I mean, that’s a lot of baggage and a big part of the reason why I have trust issues, and if I’m being totally honest, it’s also why I have little faith in the idea that love can conquer all.”
His brows knitted ever so slightly, intensifying the caring look in his eyes. “It is a great weight to be carrying around. There’s no doubt about that, but, Summers, we all have our shit. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through.” He took her hand in his. “But you don’t have to bear that burden alone. I’d be happy to talk with you about any and all of this and how it makes you feel anytime you’d like.”
She dropped her gaze, fighting back tears. She’d kept everything—the hurt, the loss, the anguish of wondering why her family wasn’t good enough for her mother—for so long, just knowing he wasn’t running from her would have been enough. He couldn’t know how big a gift he’d just offered her. Not that she needed to spill her guts any more than she already had. But knowing shecouldmade her feel like, with Dylan, she could strip away her walls completely.
“You have trust issues. I have wasted life issues,” he said, bringing her gaze back to his handsome face. “I think we’re even.”
“Doesn’t it worry you that I might never be able to fully commit to a relationship?”
“There’s a difference between not committing and being committed without a label.”
She thought about that for a moment.
“Are you going to be with other guys?” he asked.
“What? No! That’s not what I meant at all. I just meant…It’s scary for me to really let go and trust.”
He shrugged one shoulder, and a coy smile lifted his lips. “So you’ll play hard to get, and you’ll call me yourspecial friend.”
She laughed softly. She wanted more of this, telling truths and not hating them so much they made her sick. “You make it sound so easy, but I’ve read all about abandonment issues and I know I have them. I’ve got big, huge baggage when it comes to trust, and my ex did nothing to make them easier.”
His jaw tightened, and anger simmered in his eyes, but when he spoke, his tone was calm. “Do you want to talk about him and what happened? It might make me want to tear him to shreds, but I am curious.”
She shook her head. “I thought I loved him. He knew how to play the game, how to act like he cared and try to make me feel special. But I see now that I loved the idea of him. I overlooked the facts. He never cared if I studied or worked long hours because he had a secret life to keep him busy. He never asked me tomake time.”Like you did.
Dylan looked her in the eyes and said, “I will never have a secret life. I want more of your time, but I respect your career aspirations.”
“I know. I trust you, Dylan. But at least I don’t have the one insecurity a lot of people whose parents have abandoned them have. I don’t feelunworthyof love.”
“Because you’re very worthy.” He took both of her hands in his and softened his tone. “But, babe, you ask me a lot,why you? And every time I see you, every time we talk, or kiss, or just look at each other, all I can think is, how can you not know how incredible you are?”
Her stomach twisted. She had never put those two things together. She saw herself as one of the best sports agents around, she knew she was attractive because people told her so often enough, and she was definitely smart. She worked damn hard to be all those things, and yet she did ask him that often.
“That was harsh,” she said. “But I think you’re right, and that weakness—needing to ask that—sucks.”
“No, Summers. It doesn’t. What sucks is that your mom put her happiness before her children’s. But this,us, communication, learning about each other? That’s beautiful, even if it’s hard. And now maybe you can look in the mirror and see what I see instead of doubting that you’re the best woman on the planet for me.” He kissed her then, a warm, languid kiss, underscoring his emotions. “And don’t roll your eyes or tell me I’m using lines.”
The tightness in her stomach eased. “You make me want to believe everything you say.”
“And I hope one day you will.”
She was almost there. In answer, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He pushed his hand beneath her hair, cupping the base of her skull so he could deepen the kiss. Heat warmed her veins as his other hand pulled her tight against him, and she squeezed her thighs together, trying to quell the ache their kisses always stirred. This was not supposed to be a sexual date, and she desperately wanted to take it there. The force of his kiss told her he did, too.
