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“I feel the same.”
“It’s impertinent of me to ask, but I feel like it would be good for you to share.” She drew a breath. “Can you tell me why you don’t complete projects? Why you have all that rock climbing gear but you’ve never once mentioned that hobby? Why you live up here by yourself when you’re obviously a social person and love to host complete strangers but shut out the people you love the most? Is it tied to your mom’s death?”
Curt drew strength from her arms around him. It was easier to admit as he studied his reflection in the dark window. “When my mum died, I … things were different. I stopped completing projects and I quit firefighting. Rarely left my mountains. But I actually stopped rock climbing a couple months before Mum’s death. After I killed Suzanne.”
She let out a little gasp of surprise. He thought she’d force him to face her, but she only clung to him tighter. “I know ya too well, Curtis August, to believe you would willingly hurt anyone. How did Suzanne die?”
Curt closed his eyes. He loved this woman. She accepted, loved, and inspired him. If only she didn’t have to leave.
Drawing in a breath, he admitted, “Suzanne and I dated off and on for a while. She was a rock-climbing instructor from Switzerland. She guided hikes and climbs for a living. I didn’t see her often, but she’d come stay when she could or I’d go on a trip with her. One day, we were climbing a massive cliff face. She wanted to go first on a difficult stretch and I let her.”
He’d beat himself up for that decision so many times, but Suzanne was an expert, as Ray liked to remind him.
“I thought the anchor she put in thirty meters up the cliff face was secure. She was hanging from it, just relaxing and teasing me that I couldn’t climb as fast. Then the anchor gave and Suzanne fell.” He recited the facts as impartially as he could, realizing he hadn’t spoken them aloud since Chad and Ray got them out of him the day it happened.
“I couldn’t catch her, and her head hit the wall first. She was unconscious, and there was so much blood. Even my training as an EMT hadn’t prepared me for what to do with an unconscious bleeding patient a hundred and twenty meters off the ground on a sheer cliff face. I didn’t have a satellite phone and no cell service to get help unless I got to the top.”
“Oh, Curt … That’s terrifying. Being that high up? Is that four hundred feet?”
“Close. The height wasn’t terrifying. I’ve never been afraid of heights, but knowing Suzanne’s life was in my hands…” He blinked at himself in the mirrored surface of the window and admitted, “I’ve wondered for almost eight months now if I made the right decision. I strapped her to my back with her climbing gear and belaying clips and free-climbed ninety meters to the top.”
“What?” Aliya yanked away and came around in front of him. “How could you possibly be that strong or that brave?”
He would’ve smiled at that if he wasn’t so sick about relaying this story. “Adrenaline, I’m sure.”
She blinked up at him. “You’re the hunkiest hero I’ve ever met.”
“I’m not.” He stepped back. “She died. I got her to the top, but she wasn’t breathing and her pulse was weak. I called Chad, then did CPR until he came. His men took over for me. We got her to the hospital, but …”
He closed his eyes against the pain. He didn’t need to say much more about that.
Aliya’s arms came around him again. This time, she was facing him. She laid her head in the crook of his neck and said softly, “You’re a hero in my book. You did everything you could to save her.”
“Her family didn’t agree,” he admitted. Thankfully, they’d kept it quiet and hadn’t blasted all over the world what a failure he was.
“I’m sure they were mourning in their own way.”
That was true, and a good way to look at it.
“But you can’t let anyone else dictate the truth. You did all you could to save her. Sounds like it was a superhuman effort.”
He held Aliya and savored the way she made him feel—not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. “Thank you, Aliya. I haven’t spoken with anyone about this. Thank you for listening and understanding.”
“Of course.” She stayed cuddled close. “So after Suzanne’s tragic death, you didn’t leave your mountain, didn’t complete your projects, and stopped climbing?”
“I stopped climbing after that,” he admitted. “I did a few calls with my fire crew, but then losing my mum two months later ... I imploded, stopped leaving the mountain or completing anything. I’ve struggled ever since.”
Until Aliya had fallen off that waterfall and into his life. How would he let her go?
“Ah, Curt.” She ran her hands up and down his back. “I am so sorry.”
“Thank you.” He wanted to thank her for so many things. He wanted to hold her and tell her she blessed his life and he wanted to never let her go.
But that would be more selfish than anything he’d ever done. Her family needed her home, and Aliya didn’t need a life of wandering mountains and not accomplishing anything. Even if Ray claimed he helped keep their country safe as an Austrian border patrol, he hadn’t found the fabled cure in six months of steady looking. Aliya would grow bored of him and his life. She’d be happier in Georgia with her family and teaching her students.
If only he wouldn’t be completely miserable without her.
Chapter Eleven
