Page 122 of My Noble Disgrace


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“Is that your final secret?” he asked. “Every time I think they’re laid bare, another seems to appear.”

“Yes,” I said. “You know all my secrets.”

Instead of walking away from me as I feared he might, he raised his other hand to my left shoulder, looking into my eyes. “Mara, this news changes things, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I told you I know who you are. I know your heart.”

“How could you?” I asked. “You’re good and honest and I’m”—I reached up for his hand, pulling it to my cheek—“I’m nothing like you.”

“I’m not that good and honest, Mara. You know this better than anyone.” His eyes flitted down, then back up to mine. “You were right that Cael is blackmailing me with the truth of Ewan’s death. Whatever integrity I used to have is gone in the attempt to keep him from spilling my darkest secret to the entire kingdom.”

My eyes welled with tears. “Back at the lake, when you told me about your brother’s death, I swear I had no idea Cael was listening. I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry foreveryway I betrayed you.”

He pressed his lips together, blinking hard. “Mara, my truth is that you broke me when you betrayed me. You took full advantage of my naivety, planting your betrayal in my heart like one of your knives. My parents always warned me that peoplewould try to use me for my title and my power, but what they didn't tell me was that being used might feel like being loved, and I wouldn’t even know the difference.” His right hand stroked the line of my jaw. “Youtaught me that lesson.”

“There are no words for how sorry I am,” I whispered. A tear escaped my eye, traveling down my cheek.

Graham wiped it away with his thumb. "I don't love you because you're perfect. I love you because I see who you really are. You're trapped in the same cycle I am—trying to redeem yourself but never truly believing you're worthy of being redeemed. Mara, our demons are from the same hell.”

I leaned my face into his hand. “I love you, too.” The words felt foreign on my tongue, but they were exactly what I’d been wishing I could say.

He closed his eyes for a moment as if savoring my words. “I’ve been telling myself to stop loving you, but the reality is that I want you even if you might destroy me—even if you throw a second knife. I will always want you.” He put both hands on my face and leaned his forehead into mine with a sigh, then pulled me toward him, kissing me hard on the lips, his mouth intoxicating me, just as his words had.

Another tear ran down my face, but I kept kissing him, relieved that I finally had nothing to hide.

Helovedme. I didn’t feel like I’d done anything to earn it, but that was the best part.

He simply loved me, even if he hadn’t forgiven me.

He pulled away from my lips, but I knew he didn’t want to.

“Even considering what you’ve told me, you’re far more innocent than Cael is making you out to be. He’s telling the whole city that you single-handedly abducted me, murdered an entire boat of hostages, poisoned Pearce,andkilled an Enforcer. Now is your chance to defend yourself against his accusations.”

“And why would they listen to me over Cael?” I asked. “And what if he punishes me? What if he punishesyou?”

“Speaking up is the only way we can take away his power,” said Graham. “If the Academy believes you, it’s Cael who could end up banished or imprisoned—executed even, if they believe that he poisoned Pearce.”

It seemed too risky. Cael’s power and influence had been growing, and somehow, he’d built a reputation that nothing seemed able to tarnish. I couldn’t denounce him all on my own. “Are you going to testify against him too?”

“Um . . .” Graham cleared his throat. “If I do, the entire city will find out about Ewan, and I might have to forfeit the throne to Byrne.”

I pulled away from his touch. “Really? You come in here telling me that the truth is what will save me, but you’re still allowed to keep your own shameful secret hidden. Seems hypocritical to me.”

He shook his head. “As you assured me, I was only a child when it happened. Should I be punished and shamed for a mistake I made when I was ten years old?”

“No!” I said. “Absolutely not. Iwantyou to keep it safe from the city to protect yourself. I just want the same right—to keep my secrets safe. The truth has its virtues, but it also has a shadow.”

Graham, with his kingdom-sized secret, had to know this as well as anyone. He might’ve been right aboutsometruth having the power to save me, but there was so much he wasn’t considering.

He nodded. “You’re right. I supposed it’s best not to confess to killing the Enforcer, even by accident. They have no evidence anyway, and there’s no truth that’s worth your execution.”

“And what about my father?” I asked. “I don’t want to implicate him.”

“I assure you that your father won’t be executed if you tell the truth. As an Immovable, he’s protected?—”

“I know the law. He won’t get a death sentence unless he killed a noble.”

“But he hasn’t,” said Graham. “Right? Please tell me he hasn’t murdered anyone.”

“He hasn’t,” I said, “but there’s another problem.”

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