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I run my hands through my hair, gripping it tightly and my scalp stings.
“If you thought I would be such a terrible father and you hid him from me all this time, then why are you here now? Why are you letting me know of his existence all of a sudden?”
“Because I need help.”
“What?” I fold my arms.
“I underestimated just how much it takes to be a parent. The financial, time, and emotional investments are astronomical. I have managed it up until this point, but it has become too much. Especially because my career is starting to takeoff. I just landed the lead in this film. If it goes well there might be a lot of Oscar buzz. The problem is it doesn’t pay much and it doesn’t offer childcare on set. So I have nowhere to put TJ.”
“TJ? As in…” I’m too scared to say it. Too scared to hope.
She sighs. “Yes, Travis Junior.” She pauses for a moment. “He looks too much like you not to be named after you.”
My heart blooms knowing that at least he’s had my name this whole time.
I clear my throat. “So what exactly is it that you want from me now?”
“I would love it if you could be his father. To be there for him in all the ways that matter, but like I said, I’m not sure that you’ll be capable of that or that you’ll even want to. So I won’t be holding my breath on that one. If the best you can do is money so that I can pay for daycare while I am on set and help financially moving forward with raising him, I would be glad for the assistance.”
“Of course, I will take care of him financially. That’s notsomething you’ll ever have to worry about. Also, you are wrong. I do want to be a part of my son’s life, and I’m going to be a great father.”
She stands, carrying a still sleeping TJ in her arms. “I know you think that now, but only time will tell. Anyway, I’ll get out of your hair now.”
“Alright.” I say quietly.
She nods, and then she maneuvers herself around my coffee table.
“You should be expecting a call from my lawyers,” I add. “I want a custody agreement drawn up as soon as possible.”
She scoffs. “I would expect nothing less.”
I’m sad to see TJ go, especially because I didn’t get any time with him, but that is easily remedied. I just have to make sure that moving forward I am as present as I can be in his life.
Then I have a thought that stops me in my tracks.
Paige.
How is she going to take this? How is this going to affect our lives? She is in a really fragile place right now. I fear that anything that rocks the boat will have her out the door in a heartbeat. Of course, I have to tell her, but I don’t know how and I don’t know when.
Fuck my life.
15
PAIGE
I’m doing it tonight. I’m telling Travis about the baby. All of my apprehension about where we stand as a couple has simply melted away over the last week. He has been my rock throughout my mother’s recent health problems. He hasn’t faltered, not even once. Even with Dad, Lily and Matt giving him the stink eye every time they get the opportunity.
Travis has come to show me that he really is a standup guy. If there’s anyone I want to raise a baby with it’s him. I know there’s a lot to figure out, but I think in time we will.
I’m confident about the decision I’ve made, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still nervous. I’m about 99.99% sure that he will take the news in stride and step up. However, there is that 0.01% of me that thinks this could go any way. People sometimes surprise you. I just hope this isn’t one of those times.
I can’t help but be excited as I stand in the elevator on my way up to Travis’s penthouse. I miss him. It’s been two days since I’ve seen him and it’s like I’ve been having Travis withdrawal symptoms.
I knock on his door and when he pulls it open, I can immediately tell something is off.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hello,” he says as he steps out of the way for me to enter. He avoids my eyes the entire time.
