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It’s just … I don’t know what to do.
And now, with Angie finding out about Seth’s job change, her impending judgment weighs on me, as well. Ever since she became a marriage counselor, she’s tried using my relationship with Seth as one of her case studies. I’ve been able to dodge her advances, for the most part. However, if she found out my marriage is on shaky ground, she’d have a field day and go hog wild with her suggestions and advice.
I don’t think I could take that right now.
Especially since I’m not even sure if Iwantto fix things anymore.
God, how terrible is that?
Since Seth’s returned, not once has he tried to have sex. We’ve been apart for months and …nothing?
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m kinda glad I haven’t had to navigate those feelings, but at the same time …
Why doesn’t he want me?
My heart constricts and cracks a little.
Not once did I feel like the man was undressing me with his eyes.
He’s myhusband. Shouldn’t he be doing that?
Instead, he just slipped back into a routine like a roommate, while he works on getting his new job lined up.
I mean, that’s great, but …really?
I shouldn’t compare, but there were moments—flashes really—where I could sense a palpable vibe from London. It was like he was struggling to hold himself back from saying or doing something we’d both regret.
I shouldn’t love that feeling.
But I kinda do.
It makes me feel—beautiful.
Desired.
Hell,seen.
I didn’t realize just how much of that was missing from my life until he crashed back into my orbit.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and whisper, “Get it together, Lily.”
Rather than respond, I leave Angie on read and shove my phone into my pocket.
At least I’ve been able to slip away from Seth for the night to attend the Dirty B’s—something else I haven’t explained to him. He’s down at some laser tag venue, researching for an article. So, his absence this evening has allowed me the breathing room to carry on with my Thursday night routine without having to discuss it.
Besides, if I didn’t get to book club, Tasia would hunt me down and start asking questions. She already knows too much thanks to my freak-out earlier this week.
I open the door to Dirty Books, anticipating Tasia at the front counter. Instead, I hear voices in the back, so I lock the door and follow the cacophony.
“It’s been great. Seriously, if I would have known giving up sugar would make me feel so alert, I would have done it ages ago,” Carlie says, her face animated and green eyes sparkling. “I still have to set up an appointment with a personal trainer, but I’m totally dreading that.”
“Why?” Tasia asks, then nods in my direction. “Hey, Lily.”
Everyone turns to face me, waving or broadcasting their welcomes. I wave in return, then take a seat next to Carlie and Tasia.
Carlie smiles at me, then turns back to Tasia. “It’s been ages since I worked out. I’m going to die, for starters. And, well, look at me.” She sweeps her hands in front of her person.
Tasia’s eyebrows tug in. “What about you?”
