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"My dad wants us both to be happy." I know she's right, but it's so much more than that. It's about loyalty and the breaking of trust that would occur. I don't know how to put it into words for her, so I say nothing.
"So, all this has just been one sided? A quick fling, a slip up? I was in the wrong place at the wrong time? There are no actual feelings for me?" The hurt is clear in her voice and on her face.
I can't answer her because doing so would be saying she was anything but. She's all I ever wanted, but telling her that gives her a kind of hope I can't give her. "I'm sorry," I say softly, wanting her to know she isn't just a fling or a mistake. That she means more than that.
She looks away, her face still a mask of hurt and frustration. Standing abruptly, she starts to collect the plates, her head turned from me.
I sit in silence, my heart heavy. Even though I want to say something, anything to make it all better, but the words just won't come.
She sets the plates on the counter, then turns to the door and gathers her things.
As she reaches for the doorknob, I stand up and grab her by the arm, forcing her to turn around to face me. The hurt and anger in her eyes are almost more than I can bear.
Yet any words I thought about saying are gone. Nothing comes out.
I let go of her arm, and she turns back for the door. I want to say something, but instead I just watch her leave.
My heart is heavy as I watch her go, wondering if this is the last time I'll ever see her like this, with her walls down.
I know what I should do, what I should say. But I'm too afraid of the consequences. Of losing her, of losing her father's friendship, of losing everything that's safe and familiar.
But the reality is, I already lost her. I've been holding onto something that's already gone.
Standing, I walk to the door, opening it and stepping out into the cool night air. As much as I want to go after her, I know it's better to leave it be. I watch her drive down the driveway and stay on the porch. Staring after her. Long after her headlights are gone.
She deserves better.
And even if it breaks my heart, I have to do what's best for her.
Chapter 8
Jenna
It'sbeenafewdays since Josh let me walk out of his house with nothing more than an 'I'm sorry.’ I hate to admit I haven't really left my room other than to go to work. Though I have been busy ready about fictional men who stop at nothing for the women they love. Going as far as to kidnap them, to have them in their lives.
Is that too much to ask for? Someone who loved me so much that they can't stand to be away from me. So they commit a little kidnapping to be with me.
Experiencing those heroines falling in love helps hide my own pain of rejection and for a little while I can forget all about Josh. Then night comes and as I lie in bed, I keep seeing that dinner being played out over and over again until I pass out from exhaustion. Then my dreams are filled with what would have happened that night on the dock if we hadn't stopped.
Then I wake up feeling hot and bothered. The image of Josh's lips on mine was still fresh in my mind, even though it was just a dream.
So, I'd drown myself in another book. But reality was a far cry from the books I was reading. Josh had made it clear that he did not feel the same way about me, and it hurt. The pain was a constant reminder of my embarrassment, thinking he had any feelings for me.
Sky thinks he has feelings, but he is just scared to admit them. Maybe Sarah agrees with him, but I just don't know. I think I have to believe it was all one sided, and he doesn't have feelings for me if I have any chance of moving on with my life.
Today, my brothers have friends over to my parents, and we are all out back by the pool enjoying the hot day. To get myself out of my funk, I’m going to do some reading in the sun and work on my tan. Some Vitamin D might do me some good.
Everyone is splashing around the pool and having fun while they’re grilling some burgers for lunch. Asher brought be one telling me to eat, and Finn keeps bringing me bottles of water to drink. I think Mom and Dad told them to keep an eye on me since I was actually out of my room today.
After reading a few chapters, I set the book down and watch the guys play some water volleyball. It doesn't escape me that my brothers’ friends all check me out every chance they get. This black lace bikini always turns heads, but I wear it for me, because I feel the most confident in it.
Taking a drink of my water, I notice one of my brother's friends, Liam, watching me. He's always been a little flirty with me, but I've never taken it seriously. He's just a friend of my brothers, nothing more.
He smiles at me, but I don't react. Thankfully, Asher’s attention is away from me and back to the game. Lying back down, I close my eyes to soak up the sun. No sooner than I get comfortable, a shadow blocks my sun. I open my eyes to find Josh, and he doesn't look happy.
"Josh?" I was shocked to see him.
"Cover up," he says, tossing a towel on me.
