Page 29 of Expecting in Oceans


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“But it did work,” Eli added.

“And now I have a baby swimming around inside of me,” Istil said, flopping over onto the table.

“I know this situation is overwhelming for you both,” Eli said. “But I want you to know that I’m here to do whatever I can for you. Now, I don’t know sea dragons like Ari does, so I’ll have to defer to his knowledge, but there may be options, depending on what you decide for the pregnancy.”

Istil’s face was hidden in the crook of his elbow. He sat in silence for a moment, and then his voice floated out.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I need time.”

I nodded. “There’s still time.”

“Have a conversation, and whatever choice you make, I’ll be here to help you,” Eli said.

* * *

I stroked the side of the horse’s neck as he munched up grain from the feed bag tied to his bridle. Istil stood with Visir by the harbor entrance, speaking words I couldn’t hear. Visir’s expression was serious but warm as he listened to Istil, who carried a palpable tension in his posture.

He was afraid, and I was too. But I was also filled with certainty about what I had to do. He was carrying my child. It didn’t matter how I felt about becoming a father—he was my responsibility, and I had to do everything I could to take care of him and our baby.

They hugged, and Visir’s gaze met mine for a brief moment as he turned, took to the air in his dragon form, and disappeared over town. I extended my hand to help Istil up into the cart, and he took it and sat beside me.

“Where would you like me to take you? Back to the guest house?” I hesitated. “Or, if you’d like to come with me to the main house… It’s closer, and I can have a room made up for you.”

“The guesthouse would be fine,” he said, and with a smile added, “We could use the time to talk.”

I snapped the reins and got the cart moving. The warm breeze carried the smell of the surf on its wings, and it swirled together with Istil’s scent. I’d willfully ignored its presence before, but could no longer now. We didn’t speak until we were outside of town, the wheels grinding into the volcanic pumice that made up the road leading up to the horseshoe-shaped crater rim that we would have to cross to reach the south side of the island where the guesthouse was located.

“I’ve been terrified to tell Thran, or any of my clan,” Istil said, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what he’d think. I mean, he would support me. But I was afraid he would only support one option. The pressure to have children in our clan is so strong, and I didn’t want that bearing down on me when I needed to make a decision.”

“Your cousin has that much sway over your life?” I asked.

“He’s more than just my cousin. He’s the strongest of our vanguard. He’s our leader.” Istil cocked his head when he looked at me. “He’s like how you are for Kai and the others.”

I snorted. “I don’t know what that's supposed to mean. I’m no leader. And Kai has hardly ever listened to what I have to say.”

“When I first met you, Kai told us you were the one who called the shots on behalf of your grandmother. And if I had to guess… you were probably thinking you would become chief of the clan, before Kai’s prophecy and all of that.”

“Kai isn’t a chief. And I never wanted that.” The words came out more bitterly than I’d intended, and I made an effort to soften my voice. “It was a path that was set before me. I had no choice but to walk it.”

In my mind, I could see my father’s stern face. I’d tried my hardest to please him, to do everything to the best of my ability, and none of it ever seemed to be enough.

“My path was also decided for me,” Istil said. “Every omega in our line had to become Protectors. It seems like I’ve had every choice made for me—even to come here. I was tasked with guarding Enry and Shen, and so I did. If I told the clan about the pregnancy, it would be the same.”

“No one should decide that for you,” I said.

“That’s why I wanted to make my decision without their influence, or anyone else’s.”

At that moment, I thought I knew what he was going to tell me—but I was wrong.

“I’m going to have this baby,” he announced. “And I’m going to have it on my own terms. Not because the clan needs me to, but because I want to. And I want you to know that my choice requires nothing from you. Don’t feel obligated to interrupt your life because of my decision.”

“Interrupt my life? That’s my child you’re carrying. It’s not just an obligation, it’s more than that. If this is what you want to do, then you’re not going to do it alone. That’s my decision.” I gave Istil a hard look. I needed him to know how serious I was. “You and I are going to take care of this together.”

His green eyes bore into me like he was trying to peer into my head and see where my heart lay. I adjusted my glasses and held his gaze. He looked like sunlight sparkling on a calm sea, and I wondered if he knew it. He’d always been gorgeous, but now he was absolutely radiant.

Was it because of the baby? He was irresistible to my senses, almost overwhelming. My knowledge of healing was of no help to me now.

“I don’t need your help,” he said. “But I will accept it.”

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