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This recipe was a garbled mess, and I had made beef Wellington many times before. Even before a dish could be made, the ingredients prepped and the final dish baked, the damned recipe had to make sense. This one was for a meal kit that people got in the mail complete with all the ingredients and instructions. There was no point in sending all the exact ingredients if the whole thing was full of typos and the steps were messy and couldn’t be followed by someone like me, who considered themself a seasoned chef.
In instances like these, it required more than an editor. It needed a full rewrite. And so, I redid the whole damned thing before even pulling the prepackaged, pre-measured ingredients out of the box. I printed out a copy and got to work. I hadn’t changed any of the roots of the dish, only rearranged the words so they made sense.
After all, beef Wellington seemed like a date meal to me. The last thing the service would want is for some guy or girl to mess it up all because of sloppy instructions.
“Straightened them out, huh?” Saber handed me two printouts: the original with my suggestions that I’d made on the iPad and the other was my completely rewritten version.
“Something like that. When did you get in? I thought you were spending some time in your retreat.” While Menace monitored it from the cameras and Saber hung out there, I didn’t get out there often. I wanted to—the desire was there. But with all the time I spent in the kitchen and reviewing recipes and food, there wasn’t a lot of time left for the outdoors. I particularly loved to garden and had been neglecting mine of late.
“The night air did me good. I thought I would spend more time out there, but I wanted to share something with the both of you. Something important.”
“The fresh air give you an epiphany?” Menace asked as he came in from bringing in more firewood. The winter seemed to get more bitter every year but he liked to keep active. I thought it helped keep his aggressions at bay. “Or did you fall out of that treehouse and knock your head?”
He sneered at me and his pointed ears reddened. “Ha. Ha. No. I…I found an app that might help us.”
“Help us with what?” I asked as he sat down. I knew he hadn’t eaten since the night before, so I quickly made us some omelets and toast while he simmered on whatever he was talking about. Menace and Saber both knew how to cook and each made some phenomenal dishes, but they mainly left the kitchen to me since there was no telling if I was in the middle of work or not.
“Help us find someone to have children with. A mate.”
Menace said nothing, only ground his jaw back and forth while considering the breakfast that I’d put in front of him. I, on the other hand, was numb to the idea.
“We’ve tried this before, Saber. It never works out. They take one look at us and we never hear from them again. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again.”
Saber dug into the food. I knew he was hungry. “But this isn’t a dating app. It’s a mating app.”
Menace grunted. “Mating is for shifters and vampires. Come on, Saber.”
I sat down at the table and joined them for breakfast. I was working on my second cup of coffee but, after this conversation, I already knew I would need a third. This mate—female—breeder conversation never ended on a nice note. We were all frustrated beyond belief. Orcs were community creatures. And our community of three wasn’t enough. We needed a rage ofour own. Children. A woman. “Orcs don’t have mates anymore. I mean, we have chosen females who have our children, but a fated mate for an orc?”
“There are specifications for a breeder. The woman would know we are only looking for someone to have our children. She would know there would be no romance. Not a human marriage but an understanding—a contract. She would know everything going in. This app is very specific.”
“Does the app tell her that we have tusks and greenish skin and that Menace can be a pain in the ass?” I asked, laughing. Menace chucked a piece of toast at me, but I caught it midair.
“Yeah. I’m the fucking reason we don’t have a mate. It’s all on me. Saber, you have forgotten one key thing about all of this. Those apps, as I said before, are for shifters.”
Saber sat up, his face brightening. “I already thought of that. In fact, I emailed the company, and they said all species and creatures are welcome. They even comped us a profile for free, since I had to ask. I didn’t see any other orcs on there, but what do we know? Maybe there’s a woman with a kink for seven-foot-tall green guys. And I think our tusks are hot, for the record.”
“We’re not seven foot tall, Saber,” I commented. I was trying the whole time not to get my hopes up. It sounded good. A new app where the female would know what she was contracting herself to, but our track record with these things clouded my judgment and cast a shadow over any hope that crept up.
“I know that. You two are missing the point.”
Menace pushed his empty plate back and put his utensils neatly on the side. “Then make one, Saber. Make your point.”
“This is where we find our mate. That’s my point.”
My closed-off best friend blew out a breath, while I was more and more apprehensive. “And what if nothing happens? Hell, I don’t know what’s worse at this point—no one wanting us,or someone saying they want us and then backing out. Doesn’t anyone in this world look beyond the surface?”
“So, what’s the consensus?” Saber asked.
“I don’t know,” I confessed, honestly.
Menace stood up. “I don’t know, either.”
Saber sighed. “Well, I already signed us up so I was hoping you were on board.”
I cracked up. That was so Saber. I didn’t even know why I thought he would talk to us before signing up. “Well, then, let us know if you find a mate, I guess.”
“I was thinking I would set up the app on all our phones. We can all look around and decide. I don’t want this to be a situation where I’ve found someone and you two aren’t involved.”
