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Chapter One
Bennett
Ipaced the tiny waiting room of the doctor’s office, unable to sit still any longer and not sure what else to do with myself.
“Bennie, please sit down.” Mom, the only one I let get away with calling me that, tugged at the light hand-me-down scarf around her neck and gave me a look that said,If you don’t do what I say, we’re going to have a problem.I knew that look well.
“Fine.” I collapsed into a seat next to her, my younger sister Tamara flanking her other side. I crossed my arms over my chest. I’d do what she asked, but I wasn’t going to be happy about it.
Mom took Tamara’s and my hands in hers. “Listen. It’s going to be okay. No matter what the doctor says, we’ll figure something out. We always do, right?”
Tamara nodded once. “Right.”
Mom hesitated for a second and before I could say anything to show that I was on board with the “it’s going to be fine” team, she turned to my sister. “How’s school?”
Tam’s eyes lit up. She loved talking about grad school. She was going to be a speech-language pathologist, and she talked about her studies every chance she got. “It’s great. I’m taking a class on augmented and alternative communication right now. It’s about how people can use technology and other means to communicate when they can’t use their own speech.”
I tuned out my sister’s words as she buzzed along, excited to chatter away about anything that would distract her from the issue at hand. I wanted to encourage Tam, and I normally had nothing but excitement over her studies, but thinking about the diagnosis that was staring us down—staringMomdown—was terrifying me. Instead of listening, I stared out the window, watching rain patter on the glass, and focused on keeping my mind calm.
“Right, Bennie?” Mom said a few moments later.
“Huh?” I blinked a few times and returned my attention to the conversation.
Mom clucked her tongue and shook her head. “We were just talking about the garden. It’s almost time to plant. I think I want to go all out with flowers this year. Pansies, marigolds, morning glories, black-eyed Susans, maybe even some hydrangeas this year.”
I nodded thoughtfully, forcing a smile. “That sounds great, Mom. It really does.”
“You’ll do the digging, I hope?”
“Of course I will, as always. And Tam will help with the watering and weeding.”
Mom squeezed my hand. “Good. That’s good. I know I can always count on you two to help when I need it most.” She turned to Tam, and they started planning the garden while I returned my focus to the window and the raindrops beyond.
A few moments later, a nurse appeared in the opening to the waiting room, her gaze flickering around until she settled on thethree of us. “Cantrell? Jaclyn Cantrell? Doctor Lockhart will see you now.”
My stomach roiled and acid threatened to wash up my throat and into my nose. Mom squeezed my hand once more and stood.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Can my children come too?” We were one unit. We always had been.
The nurse gave her a single nod, a sad smile on her face. “Sure. Right this way.” She led us down the hall, but instead of taking us into an exam room, she took us directly to a dim office in a row of other dim offices. The doctor, an older man with dark gray hair neatly combed to the side, was sitting behind a huge, dark cherry desk, papers and files stacked neatly with one file open in front of him. His face was set in a grim line and instantly I knew the news wasn’t good.
He stood as we entered and gestured toward the seats in front of his desk. “Please, have a seat.” We each sat in a chair with gray striped upholstery. It struck me as if the chairs were trying too hard to be cheery and had swung the pendulum to bleak instead. Either way, I sat and picked at my fingernails while we waited for the news. The nurse ducked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
“Jaclyn, I’ve reviewed your scans and the results aren’t what we’d hoped they would be.” He paused a moment to look at Tamara and me before continuing. “Are you certain you want your family here for this?”
Mom frowned, a deep line between her eyebrows forming. “Of course I do. I don’t keep things from them.”
His voice was thick with disdain as he spoke. “It’s just this is a sensitive topic and—”
My chest tightened, and my stomach lurched again. I hated his tone. He reminded me of the high schoolers who’d teased me and Tam mercilessly when we were younger. I gripped the armsof the chair I was sitting in to keep from doing something stupid, like jumping up and giving the stupid doctor a piece of my mind.
Mom held up her hand. “Are you going to give us the news or not?”
He nodded. “Have it your way.” He spread pages in front of us, copies of her CT scans, arrows pointing at dark spots on the images. “Your scans show evidence of colon cancer.”
I exhaled sharply, the breath punched out of me by the news. Tamara’s hands fluttered to cover her mouth. Mom just nodded stoically.
“Go on.”
