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Presley jolts in my hold, and I glance down at her as she throws a hand over her mouth with a muffled, “I’m going to be sick.” She pulls out of my arms and runs out of the warehouse.
I follow close behind and pull her hair back as she vomits all over the ground. I rub her back until she stands up straight again.
She asks, “Is this still the effects from drinking?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. It could be since you never really drank before and then consumed a lot in two days. I’m sure it’ll pass soon.” I take her hand and notice how it is trembling. “Are you okay?”
“Anxiety. Maybe that is why I vomited. I tried to be strong, Jackson, but that was terrifying, and I am so scared of how things will go from here,” she gasps and tries to suck in air, but it doesn’t work. I pick her up, and she wraps her arms and legs around me.
I pop my head back in the door. “Let’s go. We can discuss this back at the club,” I yell.
Stone drives us home, and I sit in the back and hold Presley as she has an anxiety attack. She eventually calms enough to doze off and when we get to the club, she is fully out. I carry her up to our room and take off her jacket and shoes before getting her tucked into bed. Then I strip down myself to lie with her for a while. I need to feel her close to me.
Things are going to get a lot messier before they get better.
Chapter Nine
Presley
Gaspingawake,Iflyout of bed and make a dash straight for the bathroom to throw up. My body shakes as I sob and continue to puke until there is nothing left for me to get out. I flush the toilet and slump back against the wall, feeling horrible. I am lightheaded, and my body aches. After running a shaky hand down my face, I slowly stand up and brush my teeth.
I take a nice, long shower to help myself calm down, but I find I am still shaking when I get out. I try to put on jeans, but my fingers are shaking so badly I can’t get the button through the hole. After the tenth try, I rip the jeans off and throw on leggings along with one of Jackson’s hoodies. I walk over to grab my phone to see if Jackson texted me since he isn’t here.
I remember waking up at one point and he was still lying with me, but now he is gone. I find a note next to my phone saying he is in church and that I should try to eat something.
He’s probably right, but I don’t even know if I could stomach anything right now. Especially after talking to Vance. He was scary, oddly calm but very intimidating. His eyes seemed to assess everything, so I let my walls down. I let him see my pain and sorrow and then words just spewed out of me almost uncontrollably. I know Jackson and the others heard things they hadn’t heard before. I just hope that Jackson doesn’t change his mind now and thinks I am too broken to be with.
I can’t even keep it together now. I want to crumble to the floor and give in to all the pain inside of me. Let it consume me. It might feel better than how I feel right now.
My heart feels as if it is in a billion little pieces that I can’t put back together. How can I? From losing my baby to finding out the love of—no. A man I loved turned into a monster. And the man I truly love, who makes me feel safe, might not want to keep me around after all this.
I mean, I can’t even believe his words. His reassurance. I don’t believe it. Not right now. When the anxiety is swirling around, I can’t believe anything he has said.
I believed Ben. For years, I believed every single word he said and now it feels as if each day I realize something new, something that wasn’t right. The way he acted, the way he controlled me. He treated me not as a wife but as his property and I don’t understand how I could not see any of that until now. How could I have been so stupid? Will I let the same thing happen with Jackson?
It’s already bad enough I didn’t do anything about those notes. They scared me, but I never believed he would follow through. I was naïve and stupid. So incredibly stupid it caused me to lose the baby.
My hand finds my belly and I rub soft circles over it as tears slowly fall down my cheeks. My little sweetling. Gone.
The signs were all there right in front of my face screaming at me. The cheating, the hitting at the end, the notes, him refusing to let me go. It was all right there, and I was too blinded by my naïve mind.
God! These stupid thoughts. I feel like my mind is a fucking tornado, and it never ends. Something new swirls around when the last thing leaves. And it’s never a good thing. Always something else to overthink.
I can’t stay in this room alone anymore, so I leave and head downstairs. I don’t see anyone in the main room, so I keep going towards the kitchen to see if maybe baking or cooking something would help calm me down and stop the shaking.
As I walk through the main room towards the entrance to the kitchen, I glance at the bar. Behind the counter there is a wall that is full of different liquors. I look down at my shaking hands and then back up at the wall.
It would stop the shaking. I would feel numb… just for a while. One more time can’t hurt anything, right? It’s not like I am on the verge of it being an addiction. It’s okay.
Before I can step closer, humming from the kitchen catches my attention. I step forward and glance around the wall into the kitchen, where an older lady is mixing something in a large pot at the stove. I can only see her back and her medium-length gray hair that is pulled back in a hair clip.
She looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t pinpoint from where. Then she turns around and lets out a gasp as our eyes meet.
Her eyes soften as she scans me from head to toe. “Oh, no,” she whispers. “Presley, dear. I had no idea… I am so, so sorry.”
My eyes water as I step forward into the kitchen. “Everything didn’t work out how it was meant to.” I sob as I give in to the tears and wrap my arms around myself.
Agnes comes up to me and wraps her arms around me and holds me. She runs her hand down my head and just lets me cry. As I finally start pulling myself together again, she leans back and holds onto my shoulders. “Oh darling. I wish I could make it all better.”
