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But I don’t. I can’t, anyway. Nothing can stop me from protecting my child. This time, I will do it right.
I walk up the road towards the gate and realize I forgot one important thing. The prospect. They always have someone in the gatehouse. I definitely can’t climb the fence. That would not go well for me, so I have to risk going up to the prospect.
I walk up towards the gatehouse just as he steps out. It’s Daniel today. The one that Raven said is a huge flirt. I remember the very first day I met anyone from the club. He was flirty with me until Jackson sent him away.
I take a deep breath and remind myself why I am doing this before attempting to channel my inner Raven. “Hi. Daniel, right?” I flutter my lashes at him.
He blinks a few times before stuttering, “Yeah, that’s me.”
“I need to run a quick errand. Could you let me out, please?” I step closer to him. Attempting to give him a pout while internally cringing.
“I can’t. I’m already being watched carefully after letting you guys go to the dance. I really can’t let you out without someone with you. Actually, unless Axe approves it, I still wouldn’t let you out.”
I step even closer to him, so we are almost chest to chest. “Alright, well, I hope you can forgive me. I really am sorry.” I reach behind me, pulling the gun out from the waistband of my jeans, bringing the butt down on his head as hard and fast as I can. He drops, but it doesn’t knock him out, so I take a shaky breath and do it again. Making sure he is knocked out but still breathing.
Fuck. Earlier, when Raven and I looked at the test, she wanted to stay with me, but I kicked her out. I kind of yelled at her, and she looked really defeated when she left the room. I felt horrible. Another piece of my heart I was breaking because Raven is in my heart just as much as Jackson and my babies.
But I needed to think. I had to plan and figure out what I was going to do. I went into the closet where Jackson keeps his safe and figured out the code easily. His birthday, his sister’s birthday. I couldn’t touch the gun at first. It scares the crap out of me. I honestly don’t even know the first thing about them. The only reason I have it is for intimidation and hoping that if I find Ben where I think he is, he will just think that being at a MC, they taught me how to use one.
This is a horrible idea. The worst possible idea. But he doesn’t have to see me. That’s plan A. Plan B is the gun. Plan A is just finding him. Then I will call Jackson. That is all I want to do. Find him and watch him die with my own eyes. I need to see it to believe it. I’m not a complete idiot; I know I could never win against Ben.
I climb in the taxi as it pulls up and give the driver the address of my apartment. I need my car to get to the cabin. They said he is hiding, then when Jackson dropped the notes in front of me, it reminded me of the cabin we have. It’s off-grid, which is why they wouldn’t have found it. I am starting to understand why he had it to begin with.
A while later, we pull up outside my apartment. I haven’t been here in a long time. My nerves are getting worse and worse as I glance down at my shaking hands. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest.You can do this. You have to do it.I didn’t think a place could hold so much in it but as I look up at the building I feel like every memory, good and bad is flashing behind my eyes. And it all ends with Ben—his deadly serious face, showing what I thought was real distress as he shoved the knife into my stomach repeatedly. The scars on my belly ache with phantom pain, so I quickly try to shake off the memories.
After a deep breath, I climb out of the cab with a shaky thank you and head upstairs to my door. I have the key to my apartment, but I need to find my car keys. The second I get the door opened, I don’t have a second to let the demons of the past consume me because I am shoved from behind into my apartment and the door is slammed shut.
The room spins as my heart plummets. I spin around, trying to feel and be braver than I really am.
Only, I freeze wide-eyed when I see Raven standing there. And she ispissed.
“What the actual fuck do you think you are doing?” she hisses.
“I–I need to find him. I think I know where he is, Raven, and I have to find him. I have to fix this. I need to prove to myself that I am strong. I failed once already. I got my baby killed. And I will die before that happens again.”
The more I say, the more insane I sound. Even to myself.
“You are—god! What the fuck, Presley?! That’s not… you putting yourself in fucking harm’s way is not fixing anything. You need to come with me. Get in my car and we will go back. You tell the guys where he is, and we let them handle it.”
Like normal, tears threaten to fall, but I try to blink them away. Then something sets in. A small smirk comes over my face, and Raven frowns at me. “If that is what you wanted to happen, you would have gotten the guys from the start. Not follow me here and told no one.”
Raven groans and throws her arms in the air. “I’m trying to save your ass, Presley! Yours! They are going to wring your neck or lock you in the fucking basement and never let you out again. You get that, right? You think I don’t want a piece of him? I do. I’d love nothing more than to lay into that fucker and help you destroy him. But he’s an unknown. I don’t have all the information about him like the guys do. And I know what he did to you. He isdangerous, Presley. Why are you doing this?”
I fire back, “I have to! Raven, I can’t let him keep winning! I want to fucking die, for crying out loud! The thought of dying, or the pain slowly fading from my body, sounds heavenly. When I was staring at that upside-down stick, I really thought, ‘Nine months. I can wait nine months. Then leave my baby in the arms of those who will love it.’ But then I flipped it over. And there were two lines. Two. And I knew in that moment I had to change. Something had to give. But I can’t fucking fix myself until he is gone! He has to go. I need him out of my life forever.”
Raven has tears streaming down her face, same as I do, but before she can speak, a new voice rings out from behind me.
“Well, that’s just not very nice, Presley. What happened to the girl who was afraid to even say a swear word? Have those dirty bikers corrupted my girl?”
Raven’s face morphs from sad to pissed within an instant. There is no sign of fear on her face. If she is scared, she is hiding it extremely well. That gives me the small boost of confidence I need to spin around and face him.
My tormentor. The man who has taken so much from me. The one who doesn’t get to call me his anymore. He leans against the entrance to the hall, shrouded in darkness.
“I’d say you did a pretty fucking good job ofcorruptingme yourself,” I spit. Everything inside me is begging me, pleading with me, to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness. To ask him to not do anything rash. To beg him to find that piece of him I know loves me.
But I don’t know anymore. I have no idea if this man truly ever loved me or if I was just a possession to him.
Before I can blink, a gun is in my face. Pointed right between my eyes. “Don’t even fucking think about it. Walk away from the door, Raven Monroe.” I watch as a wicked grin comes over his face, and a gasp sounds behind me. “That’s right. I know who you are. I know your parents.” He nudges me with the gun and shoves us both into the living room, forcing us onto the couch.
