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Ah. He must have heard this morning. Wouldn’t be surprising. The walls aren’t too thick upstairs, and Grayson’s room is the closest to ours.
“I’m alright. I just got overwhelmed and needed some time to cool down alone.”
He nods. “I understand. When I first moved in here full-time, I had all of them always wanting to help with things and make sure I was okay because my parents kind of just left me. Axe would always come into the kitchen day or night. If I was in there cooking or trying to teach myself something, he would be in there with me. After a while, it got really frustrating because part of me knew he was doing it because he cared and he was trying to show me he was there for me, but the other part of me wanted that time alone. To just… be. I needed to just be and not think, and cooking sometimes does that for me.”
“I understand that. After I left my old life, I found that peace in taking old things and redoing them. I basically was thrifting my entire apartment. I loved it and I’m sad I never finished. What did you do about Axe?”
Ryker, who had gotten distracted by a bug on the ground, laughs. “We all came down one morning to Axe covered in pancake batter. Grayson decided enough was enough for once and got him good.”
We all laugh, and Grayson’s cheeks turn pink. “Okay, well, to be fair I was having a really hard week, and I asked him a few times that morning if I could have the kitchen to myself and he kept making excuses to stay in there with me thinking I would want to talk eventually but I really didn’t. So I threatened to dump food on him and he didn’t believe me.”
“Gray, no one would believe you. Even now. You’re a little puppy,” Ryker interrupts, pinching Grayson’s cheek.
Grayson swats his hand away and rolls his eyes. “I normally wouldn’t do anything like that, but I was tired and needed the time, so I took the pancake batter and just dumped it all over him when he was looking in the fridge. He stayed away from the kitchen after that for a few months.”
“So, are you saying I should dump something on Jackson and he will leave me alone?” I smile.
“No. He won’t leave you alone ever, Pres. You’re his ol’ lady. He is just going to have to get over it,” Ryker says with a laugh.
The boys sit with me for a few minutes before Grayson clears his throat. “I, um, I had an idea that I would like to run by you. It might be out of bounds and if it is, I’m sorry, but I think you might benefit from it,” he says with a shrug.
“Just tell her, Gray. She’s going to love it,” Ryker says sweetly, resting his hand on Grayson’s shoulder.
“Tell me. I’m sure it’s great,” I reply with a reassuring smile.
“Ready?” Jackson asks as he steps up to me where I am waiting at the front door.
“No.” I grimace. “Yes?” I question with a shrug. “I don’t know. This is hard.”
“I know, angel. But we will get through it. Together.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder, guiding me outside to the truck.
Once we’re driving towards the doctor’s office, Jackson reaches over and grabs my hand. I glance down and realize I was pinching my palm again. “I’m terrified, Jackson. This makes it so real. I mean, it was real before. I know that. But it makes it a reality now that we don’t have a threat over us. But what if I can’t handle it? The thoughts I had the day I took that test—” My voice cracks and I clear my throat.
“Presley, that day was a really fucking bad day, and I wish you hadn’t had to deal with it then. You can’t hold your thoughts from then against yourself. You were in an awful situation that kept getting worse, and you felt lost. Anything you thought then doesn’t compare to now. Because now? Well, that’s you and me and a club full of people who love you.”
“But not Raven,” I whisper. I know he is trying to make me feel better, but I don’t know how not to let the negative get to me.
“Sweetheart, Raven just needs time. She will be back before you know it. Stone is with her, and they’re going to be okay.”
A few days after Ben died, Raven finally broke down. It was hard to watch, and I had to leave the room because I felt like her seeing me was making it worse. I am the cause of her scars now. Stone offered to get her out of there for a while. Take her somewhere he goes when he needs a break so he doesn’t hurt someone he loves, and she said yes and wanted to leave then.
They left an hour later. Raven left me a note saying we would talk when she got back. Everyone is reassuring me it will be okay, and she just needs to get past this bump, but I’m not so sure.
I murmur, “What if this changed her? What if she’s never the same Raven again?”
Jackson parks at the doctor’s office and looks over at me. “Angel, this is going to change her. You don’t go through life-altering trauma and not come out changed. But it is not going to change her in a bad way. You changed. You came out stronger. The same will happen with Raven. No one will let her go down any bad paths. She will find a way to cope and be alright. You and her will be alright. You have to trust that. You need to trust Raven.”
“I do,” I say as tears fall down my cheeks. “But it doesn’t stop the overthinking.”
He leans over and kisses me before cupping my cheeks and wiping away the tears. “I know. I wish I could take it away, but I can’t. So I will reassure you every day for the rest of your life and get you whatever help you want or need.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He smiles. “Now, I need my good girl to be strong and go in there and kick this appointment’s ass.”
I nod as a thrill runs down my spine. I love it when he calls me a good girl.
We get out and head inside. After what feels like the longest wait of my life but is really only five minutes, we get called back. The nurse takes my vitals and draws blood, then instructs me to take off my pants and gives me a light blanket to put over my legs.
