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Jackson grabs my hand while we are waiting and gives it a light squeeze.
“I’m really scared,” I mumble as I keep my eyes trained down on our interlinking fingers.
“What’s scaring you? I know you were wondering if it is still viable, but angel, you have all the symptoms, and Doc said the blood test came back with your hCG levels high.”
“I know. I think somewhere inside of me, I get that. That this is real. I guess a tiny part of me wants to stay living in denial. What if I love this baby more than my last? Is that fair? How do I enjoy all the moments through this with you when a lot of the moments before I was alone and then she died. I lost her and I think… I think I don’t know how to feel okay with being happy about this one.”
I sniffle as a few tears fall. Jackson’s other hand comes up and wipes the tears away. “Oh, angel. I wish I knew what to say to make it all better, but I don’t. Do you want to be happy about this?”
My eyes shoot up to meet his. “Yes, of course I do. More than anything in the world. I want to be a mother. I want to have lots of babies. I would even adopt them. I just want to care for and love them. I want to do this with you.”
He grins at me, his eyes shining with love and admiration. “Then you do that. You love and cherish every single moment of this. Because the little girl you didn’t get to have, I can tell you she would’ve been like you. Compassionate and understanding. Loving all of her siblings just as much as her mama. Don’t hold back because you lost her. Give even more because you know what that feeling is in your chest. That pain of missing all the milestones with her. You learn to cherish them even more than you would have now because you know things can happen and you don’t want to take any of it for granted.”
Tears fall as I watch Jackson’s eyes mist over. “We love them with her in the center of our hearts.”
“Yes. She’s here. She will always be right here, with you.” He lays his hand on my chest, right over my heart. He leans in close, resting our foreheads together. “I am there too. Forever. Along with this baby.” His hand releases mine, and he rests it on my belly. “We are all in here with you, and we won’t ever go anywhere.”
He kisses me, and when I try to take it farther, he pulls back slightly.
“We’re in the doctor’s office, Pres.” He chuckles.
My bottom lip pops out in a pout. “You can’t say things like that in places where I can’t show you what it means to me.”
Jackson’s eyes light up with mirth, and he cracks up laughing. A throat clears behind me, and my face turns bright red.
“Hello, dear. I am Dr. Cole.” He walks towards me and takes in my burning cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’ve heard just about everything one can say.” He chuckles. “So, how are we feeling today?”
I clear my throat and give a tiny nod. “Not bad.”
He pulls up a rolling circle seat and sits in front of me. “Any concerns you would like to go over with me before we get started checking over the little one?”
“I—” I cleared my throat, which has suddenly become extremely dry. “I don’t think so.”
He watches me for a moment before nodding and standing up, walking to the small sink in the room and washing his hands. I have so many concerns, but none of them really involve him. They mostly involve my stupid brain that constantly feels the need to make things worse than they are, so I keep my mouth shut.
Dr. Cole helps me get my legs situated so he can do an internal ultrasound. Since I don’t know how far along I am but it is definitely still early, this is the best way to check. He gets everything ready and begins. Jackson sits by my head and holds my hand. It is uncomfortable and makes tears well in my eyes, but I still give Jackson a small smile when he frowns at my tears.
After a few minutes, awhoosh whooshsound begins in the room. My eyes shut as I listen to the heartbeat of my baby.
My baby. Just as much as my sweetling was. Tears stream down my cheeks while I squeeze Jackson’s hand. Everything will be okay. I slowly crack my eyes open to look over at Jackson.
He is staring down at me with worry, but the second our eyes lock, a beautiful grin comes over his face. His beard, that had been growing out for days, is trimmed and clean now, and when he smiles like this? He’s devastatingly handsome and everything I could have ever hoped for.
My ruggedly handsome tattooed biker. Mine.
I thought the day I told him I was pregnant was the happiest he had ever been, but this tops that, and it makes a different kind of excitement bubble up inside of me. A want to see him this happy more often and to see him become a father to our child. Because I’m not forgetting her. I am living for her.
After that, the doctor finishes up, letting us know everything looks great so far and I am six weeks along. He tells us we only got to hear a very light heartbeat and by the time we come back it will be much louder and more clear, but I don’t think any of us care. We heard something. That was amazing and all we needed.
The second we get back to the club and walk in, Rage is standing in the main room. He smiles when he sees us smiling, but an intense need has been just below the surface and it is only getting stronger, so I wave at Rage, grab Jackson’s hand, and drag him up the stairs. A couple of people who were also sitting in the main room whistle and yell, but for once I feel no embarrassment. I want my man, and I want him now.
When we get to the bedroom, I push a laughing Jackson into the room and shut the door, locking it behind us. I kick off my shoes and walk up to him, where he now stands in front of the bed. His hand comes up to cup the back of my neck when I stop in front of him. I tilt my head up, looking into his eyes.
“What’s the plan, angel?” he says with a challenge in his voice.
I clutch onto the front of his shirt and move up onto my tiptoes, kissing him hard. When he tries to take control and take the kiss farther, I pull back slightly, ignoring his sound of protest and nibbling on his bottom lip. My hands slide down to his jeans, undoing his belt and pulling it off before dropping it on the ground with a thud. I open his jeans up and pull away from his mouth.
Hooking my fingers into the waistband, I tug his pants down, following them until I am on my knees in front of him. I look up at him and raise a brow. “Commando?”
