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When you live a life full of structure, happiness, and money, everything always being close by at your beck and call, it throws you for a loop when something doesn’t go right. My parents were supposed to support me and love me. They approved of Ben, after all. They loved Ben when we were courting.
It never made any sense to me, and it still doesn’t to this day. I haven’t spoken to my parents in five years, and it still hurts. Especially after everything that has happened lately.
Sighing and shaking off the thoughts of my parents I get up and wash my dishes before getting ready for the day. I make sure to wear a loose top so you can’t see my little bump. Many places will not hire someone who is almost four months pregnant. I end up wearing a black pair of slacks, cream-colored flats, and a flowy blouse that’s baby blue with quarter sleeves. I throw a dark blue blazer over it and add some jewelry, leaving my hair down. It’s naturally straight and falls just below my shoulders, so it doesn’t need a lot of work to make it look nice. I throw on a light dusting of makeup with mascara and call it good. I’ve never been big on makeup, so I prefer to keep it light if I wear any.
I am heading to a salon first, since they put up an ad for a receptionist a few days ago. I have to drive today because I am going to a few different places. That salon, a bank, and a small bakery that’s looking for someone to help with the paper side of things and running the business so they can focus on baking.
Unfortunately, the salon turned me down. They apparently found someone already. But no matter; I just dust my shoulders off and it’s on to the next. When I get back in my car, I take a few deep breaths. I took my anxiety medication today because I knew I’d be out a lot, but it doesn’t always help. Sometimes my anxiety flares up like a rash and just refuses to go away. Once I get my breathing under control, I head towards the next stop, which is the bakery since it is closer than the bank.
I can’t find any parking right outside of it. It’s all parallel parking on both sides of the street, so I turn around and find a spot on the opposite side. It sits right in front of a motorcycle shop.
When I climb out of my car, I hear booming laughter coming from the shop. I glance over and see a group of men standing around talking and laughing.
My anxiety spikes, and I look away and focus on breathing.Gosh dang it. Get it together, Presley.
I start walking to cross the street and keep focusing on getting myself under control. My hands started shaking again. I don’t have a problem with those guys. It’s just people in general. Sometimes I get very anxious. I think it’s why I was okay with Ben being so in control and me usually volunteering instead of running a business. I just wish I saw the signs sooner.
Stop it. Don’t think about it. You’ve moved on.
I soon reach the bakery and straighten my shoulders, exhaling a slow breath. I can do this. I head inside to see a lady at the front counter staring out the window across the street… Right at those guys. Weird. She finally looks away, her gaze landing right on me. Looking me up and down and then painting on a fake smile.
“What can I do for you?” she asks in a sugary sweet voice that does not match the fake smile on her face.
“HI, I um… I saw this ad and… I, well,”Shit, shit, shit. Get it together!I clear my throat. “I saw you were looking to hire someone to help you with paperwork and the business side of things, and I am more than qualified and interested. I would like to apply.”
I internally let out a breath. This is something I can do. Just focus and breathe.
She looks me up and down again before dropping the smile and frowning. She glances behind me back out to the street, and I do apparently the worst thing I can do. I turn and look out the window. She immediately scoffs, and my eyes snap back to her. “If you only came here to get a job so you can stare at the eye candy across the street or somehow get their attention, then leave. I get enough bimbos coming in, only wanting to work here for the hotties across the way,” she snaps.
I’m taken aback by her words and start shaking my head. “I’m not… That’s not why I’m here. I just need a job to save money… I promise.”
Her laugh is cruel as she says, “I, I, I… Yeah, that’s what they all say. Go on your way. Besides, you’re wasting your time. No way would they even take a second look at you.” She scoffs again, waving me off.
I know my face is bright red by now, and I have no idea what to say, so I turn around to leave. Even if Icouldconvince her I am only here for the work, I don’t think working here would be the best idea. I don’t quite understand why she was assuming I was only coming here for them. It’s not like they’d ever be interested in someone like me.
As I’m walking out the door, I hear her mumble aboutthat’s what I thought.
I wish I could be one of those people to rip into someone. Because deep inside me right now, I have so many choice words I’d like to say to her. But unfortunately, the way I was raised and my anxiety stop me.
So instead, I walk out as calmly as I can, making sure she doesn’t see me when the anxiety attack hits.
Just make it to your car, just get to your car, then you can break down.This all sucks! I can’t find a job anywhere. The bank is my last hope. If not there, then I have no idea what I will do. I get across the street, trying to control my breathing until I can get into my car. My hands are shaking so badly I can’t hold onto my keys any longer and drop them. As soon as I do, I hear someone coming up behind me, and I tense. I am falling fast into an attack, and I don’t usually have them around other people.
Usually, Ben is with me to get me away from people because I feel so vulnerable. But right now, I am doing this alone. For the first time in my life.
“Hey, darlin’, you alright?” someone says from close behind me.
I feel frozen to the spot, not knowing how to handle this and feeling myself spiraling. My breathing is uneven, and I feel like someone is squeezing my chest. It’s extremely tight.
I faintly hear someone scoop up my keys, and then a hand lands on my shoulder. I jump and scream, turning around and dropping to the ground with my back against my car. My hands shake hard as I press my palm to my chest, feeling tears tracking down my cheeks as I try to breathe.
“Whoa, whoa, darlin’. It’s okay, my name is Sugar. I’m not trying to hurt you.” He holds his hands up and squats down in front of me. “You are right in the way of cars. If someone doesn’t see you, they will hit ya. So why don’t you stand up and walk to the other side of the car where the sidewalk is? I promise you are safe.” He slowly stands and steps away from me... But out into the street as if he is trying to make sure cars stay away from me… By putting himself at risk!
I jump up, my body protesting, my legs shaking, my breathing so uneven I almost fall, but the guy stops me from hitting the ground and guides me to the other side of the car where the sidewalk is.
He lets go, and I lean back against my car, trying to calm myself. I have to get it together. I hear the sound of more boots pounding on the sidewalk and quickly snap my eyes open, seeing three more beasts of men coming towards me. I tense, but before I can do anything, not that I could get away, he has my keys.
His hand lands on my shoulder and he whispers, “It’s alright now, these are my people. No one will hurt ya.”
