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You think I want to do this? I don’t! But you wouldn’t listen. You didn’t obey.
I failed. I killed my baby. This is all my fault. No one will ever see me as anything but a broken woman who struggles to conceive and then kills her own baby.
I’m so sorry, my precious baby. This is your mom’s fault. She killed you. I’ll never see you because of her.
My body shakes, and I let out a broken sob. Everything seems to hit all at once. Everything that has stayed tucked down and away is swimming to the surface, threatening to drown me.
But then Jackson is there, wrapping me in his arms, whispering sweet words to me. Bringing me back down. Taking awayhisvoice. Replacing it with his deep growl that vibrates through me and makes me tingle everywhere. I feel my body go lax in his hold.
“There you go, angel, I’ve got you. Let it out. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Feel it all. Don’t hold it in. I’ve got you. I’ll hold you up.”
I blink as my eyes clear, and I can see and hear everything again. My body trembles, and silent tears track down my cheeks. I turn from where my back is resting against his chest and straddle his thighs, burying my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent as my heartbeat slows.
I know I have to find a way to overcome this myself. I was so dependent on my parents and then Ben when it came to my anxiety that I don’t know how to handle it. Add on this loss I’m suffering and what Ben did, I have no idea how to navigate this all-encompassing fear. But I know I have to do it myself. I can’t let Jackson become the next person in line to take care of me.
We had both fallen asleep after my spiraling breakdown this morning, so when I wake up next, I find myself still wrapped up with Jackson, but at some point, we moved onto our sides, facing each other. As my eyes focus, I realize he is awake and staring right at me with a look I don’t quite understand on his face.
I bring my hand up to rest on his cheek and give him a small smile. “How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. I just didn’t want to move yet. You looked so peaceful,” he mumbles as he pulls me impossibly closer to him, bringing us nose to nose. I press my lips together, and he chuckles, “What’s that face for?”
“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” I say, feeling my face flame with embarrassment.
“I don’t care, angel.” Before I can argue with him, he proves his point by leaning in and devouring me, taking away any worry I have.
And like every time he has kissed me, I get lost in him. As his tongue pushes past my lips, intertwining with mine, he kisses me like he needs me to breathe. His hands roam down my back, causing goosebumps to rise and my heartrate to pick up, especially as I move my leg closer to his, only to remember we are both still naked. I move my hand into his hair, running my fingers through it, loving the way it feels. He groans, and right as I’m prepared to flip myself on top of him and take this farther, a loud bang hits the bedroom door. I jump and sit up quickly, covering myself with the blanket. Jackson jumps out of bed with a growl and stomps towards the door.
“Jackson!” I hiss. “You need to cover up!”
He looks over his shoulder at me and smirks before flinging the door open to Blade, who goes from grinning to shocked real fast.
Jackson grunts, “What the fuck do you want?”
I cover my face with my hands, feeling beyond embarrassed.
Blade retorts, “I was coming to check on you guys. Everyone has given you space, but Raven is ready to come break in and steal her bestie away, so you might want to put on some clothes and come out. Plus, there was shit happening at the shop yesterday that needs your attention.” Then he looks over Jackson’s shoulder at me and winks. “Lucky girl,” he says before walking away laughing as I fall back on the bed and cover my face, groaning.
Jackson shuts the door as he chuckles. He rips the blanket off me, and I scowl at him. “Come on, get up. We need to talk and go downstairs.”
I decide that today just isn’t the day, so I sit up, grab the blanket, and flip over on my stomach, covering my head with a pillow. Letting out a muffled, “No.”
Jackson grabs the blanket and rips it off me again before slapping my ass. Hard.
I jump out of the bed. “Ouch! Really, Jackson?”
He smirks at me. “Got you up, didn’t it?” His eyes roam all over my body, heating me to my core. He closes his eyes and runs a hand down his face. “Be a good girl and get dressed before I throw you back on the bed and don’t let you leave for a week.”
I clench my thighs as he walks into the bathroom. With the door still open, I can see him as he brushes his teeth. “Um, Jackson?”
He looks at me through the mirror.
“I don’t have anything, remember?” I remind him.
He grunts and finishes brushing his teeth while I grab one of his shirts to throw on and sit on the bed. He gets dressed and says, “I’ll go grab Raven and see what she has.”
I smile and nod.
About ten minutes later, Raven walks through the door. I grin at her as she just welcomes herself in, holding two bags with a big smile on her face. “Hey sexy ma—“
