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“What you told me and what I witnessed in those videos…” he purses his lips. “I would have never imagined our past to be so… violent. I need time,” he repeats.
“I understand.” I nod. “I’ll respect your boundaries. Just please, can younotshut me out?” I ask in a low voice, peering at him from beneath my lashes.
I’m ashamed of everything I’ve done—to him, to us, to our baby… But I’m also shameless because I cannot fathom living another day on this earth without him.
Even if he never forgives me, I’ll forever be his shadow. As long as I’m by his side, in any capacity, I’ll be fine.
Will you?
I shove my inner voice aside, focusing on the moment at hand. He hasn’t asked me for a divorce again, so I’ll take that win. I know who I am and who I was in the past—I’m well aware that no one in their right minds would look back on that time in my life and declare me just a victim of circumstance.
Yes, I might have been backed into a corner by my family’s choices. But at the end of the day, my love for this man has been my driving force all along.
Iamwicked, just as he accused me. But I am a wicked woman who is mindlessly in love with him. And for him, I am capable of anything.
Anything.
He gives me a nod, and not a moment after he’s telling me about his plan to catch dinner.
I look at him in wonder, the fissure in my heart becoming larger and larger by the minute. He looks so unbothered, so utterly unconcerned as if I hadn’t told him the worst things I’ve done, and that have been done to me.
More than anything, he hasn’t once said anything about Mali, nor has he inquired about him.
Why?
I follow his lead as we set about making the trap for a small animal to roast for our evening meal, but all the while my mind is filled with worry. Yet it’s not just that. Uncovering the past has paved the way for those nasty memories to make their way back, and I can almost visualize that night before my eyes.
My baby hadn’t even cried when Sergio had killed him.
The only time I’d heard his voice had been right after the birth, but I’d been too weak to do anything, but faint from the pain and exertion.
God, but his little body… The picture I’d found on Cisco’s computer reminds me of that last moment, when I’d sung him a parting song—imbuing every note with all the love I had for him.
“Noelle,” Raf’s voice startles me back to reality.
I bring my gaze up, blinking repeatedly as I bring him into focus.
God, but how I miss hearing him call mepretty girl.
“I’m fine.” I strain a smile.
“You don’t look fine.” He frowns. “You had a very faraway look. What were you thinking about?”
He… he’s asking about me. He’s inquiring into my thoughts. A big smile spreads across my face as I clasp my hands together, gazing at him with stars in my eyes. Yet the excitement is short-lived as I realize he didn’t mean itthatway.
I release a heavy sigh.
“Just wondering when we’ll get back,” I lie, squaring my shoulders.
“Is that so?” He narrows his eyes at me.
“Yup. We should go.”
He’s still watching me intently, as if he’s unconvinced by my words.
I give him another fake smile as I start ahead. I don’t get to take another step, however, as he pulls me back until I’m fitted to his body.
“I’m only going to ask you one more time. What were you thinking about?”
