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thirty
Noelle
PRESENT DAY
“So now you know,” I whisper, averting my gaze.
He’s been quiet the entire time I related everything that happened at the hacienda, becoming tenser and tenser the closer I got to the night of the fire.
From the corner of my eye, I can see his hands clenching and unclenching.
“What happened after?”
I turn, frowning.
“After?”
“Cisco found you,” Raf says, watching me intently.
I nod slowly, a sad smile pulling at my lips.
“He realized something was wrong when I called earlier, so he came as soon as he could. Unfortunately, by then the house was burned to the ground and I was more dead than alive.”
“But yousurvived,” he notes, emphasizing the last word.
“If I’m honest, I don’t know how I did it.” I shrug. “My body was broken beyond belief, my mind even more so.” I give him half a smile. “The last thing I remember was watching you get shot. In my mind, I thought I’d lost you, too, so I had no more reason to stay alive—no reason at all to fight. But my brother wouldn’t give up on me. He saved my body first, then he tried to heal my mind. Unfortunately…” I trail off.
“What happened at the asylum?” He further probes.
Since I’ve already decided to be an open book to him, I tell him everything, not sparing any morbid detail. I recount how I’d been so desperate to end my life and join him and our child that I’d tried everything I could. When I’d been unable to die, the only other recourse had been to simply… forget. I’d wiped my own memory of everything that hurt, and in the process, I’d reshaped some of my memories to suit the new narrative I built for myself.
“It was the only way I could survive,” I tell him. “It was either that, or death. But since I wasn’t given the option of death, I had to reinvent myself—build a version that hadn’t lost everything including the will to live.”
He nods slowly, but he doesn’t say anything.
The distance between us is more prominent than ever. Although he’s only a couple of feet away, it feels like we’re an ocean apart. I cannot tell what he’s thinking anymore, and I cannot gauge his feelings either.
It’s almost like we’re two strangers thrown together by circumstance.
But I refuse to let that be the case.
“We should get ready to hunt for dinner. It will get dark soon and we’ll have reduced visibility,” he adds, getting to his feet.
I blink in surprise.
Getting to my feet, I follow after him.
“Is that all you have to say?” I demand, reaching for his shirt to stop him.
He suddenly halts, and I almost crash into him—which would have been awful considering his injuries. I almost trip as I stop myself from colliding with him, but he’s faster than me, his hands grabbing onto my midriff and stabilizing me.
I don’t get to relish the feel of his hands on me, though, as he quickly withdraws his touch, straightening his back and avoiding to look directly at me.
“What do you want me to say, Noelle?” he asks, his shoulders angling up in a lazy shrug. “I appreciate you telling me the truth of what happened, but I need time. I…” He trails off as he takes one deep breath. “You’ve had time to come to terms with this. I’ve only just found out about it. I don’t know how to feel about it—aboutyou.”
I open my mouth to speak, only to close it as I realize there’s nothing I can say that will change his mind—no amount of begging that will make him forgive me if he doesn’t want to.
“I see,” I murmur slowly.
