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“Don’t say her name!” I can’t handle that. Not now. I take a deep breath, trying to reign in my frustration. “Justine now is not a good time. There’s still plenty of time to have children.”
“How can you be so cold? This is a baby we’re talking about. Our baby,” she implores, grabbing my hand and pressing it against her stomach. “You told me you have strong feelings for me. A baby doesn’t mean things have to change. It’s like you said, we could still let our relationship develop naturally.”
I snatch my hand back, curling my fingers into a fist.
“It’s because I’m not ready to be a father!” I shake my head, chuckling humorlessly. “You realize this will mean the end of my career, right? Phillip won’t just give me a handshake, a slap on the back, and say, ‘Good job, Quinn.’ I’ll be out of a job, and then how do you expect me to take care of a baby?”
“You could move in here. Save on rent that way while you’re looking for a new job. Or we don’t tell anyone I’m pregnant. I only have two months left on my internship, and I won’t be showing for a while. It won’t be impossible to hide.”
The thought of playing happy family with Justine and raising a baby together sends shivers down my spine. “Fuck, Justine. Grow up. This pretty picture you’ve obviously been painting in your head will never happen.” I shake my head. “No, you simply have to get rid of it. We have no business raising a baby right now.”
“It’s my body. You don’t get to tell me what I do with it.”
“And it’s my life!” I thunder. “You don’t get to decide for me how I have to live it. And I don’t want to live it tied to you by a baby.”
Silence descends, and it’s heavy, fraught with a million and one different emotions and accusations.
“I’ve been such an idiot,” she whispers. “You’re not really getting a divorce, are you?”
I would bet just about everything I own that if Bailey finds out about this baby, I will indeed be getting a divorce. All these plans I have of getting her back will go up in smoke.
This is it. The moment when all my sins come out to play.
I don’t answer her. I don’t voice the answer that’s written across my face.
“Get out,” she whispers. Her face has lost all its color, and her lips are trembling, but her eyes are fierce. And I can see by the look in them that she finally gets it. That the stars have imploded. That the blinkers have come off, and that she finally sees me, this, us for what it is.Was, I should rather say. “You might not want this baby, and I might end up not keeping it, but either way, it will be my decision. And if I decide to keep it, I don’t need you in my life.”
*****
“I’VE FUCKED UP.”
Ryan hands me a beer, and I bring it to my lips, not stopping until the bottle is empty. Ryan, the friend that he is, doesn’t question it, silently getting me another one and handing it to me before sitting down.
After leaving Justine’s place, I got into my car, and instead of returning to work, I just drove. Fuck work. It’s the last place I wanted to be. Especially now that my days there are numbered. The moment Phillip finds out—and he will find out—I’m fired. I also didn’t want to go back to our, well, I guess, my apartment. Without Bailey there, the place is like a fucking tomb, and I’m drowning in the silence.
Without consciously deciding, I found myself in Ryan’s driveway. Whatever he was about to say died on his lips after taking a look at me. He just ushered me inside and got me a beer.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Ryan says when the silence stretches.
“There’s no point.” I shrug, studying the bottle in my hand like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. “I won’t be working there much longer.”
“What do you mean?” He sits forward, his arms braced on his thighs, pinning me with a stare.
“Told you, I fucked up.”
“You gotta give me more than that.”
I take another pull from the bottle, contemplating what to say. If I’m looking for advice, Ryan is one of the most level-headed of my friends. Carter has never been a relationship kind of guy, and Aiden, well, Hannah is Bailey’s best friend, and I don’t want to put him in a position of having to hide things from his wife.
“Where’s Aspen?”
“At work.”
I nod. I knew that, and his tone tells me he knows I’m stalling.
“We’ve had some epic parties in this place,” I say, looking around. It’s just another punch to the gut. How will this affect our friends? We all go way back, and everyone’s bound to feel one way or another. Nothing will be the same.
“Yeah, man. But you’re not here to talk about parties.”
