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“I wasn’t alone. You came as soon as you heard. That’s all that matters. And even if you lived far away, it would be the same. You don’t have to live on the farm. I enjoy having you here, but not at the expense of your dreams.”
“The farm is my dream. I wasn’t happy in that architectural firm. I want to be outside. You know that.”
“I wasn’t sure. After your father died, I was worried you came home out of guilt. But I was too grateful to have all my boys here to argue with you about it. But nothing matters if you’re not happy.”
“I’m happy,” I said, though the words felt like ash in my mouth.
“You’re happy breaking things off with Sarah and Addy?” Mom continued, without giving me an opportunity to respond. “Because I have to say I’m not. I’m heartbroken. I loved those girls. I loved seeing you so content. You won’t understand until you have kids, but the only thing a mom or dad wants is to see their kids happy.”
I cleared my throat, feeling uncomfortable. “I didn’t know that.”
“You don’t look happy now,” Mom said pointedly.
“I did what I had to do.” But now that I’d said it so many times, I wasn’t so sure.
“You had to break their hearts and yours? Explain this to me because I’m not understanding it.”
“I’ve already talked to Heath and Talon. I’m not up for this.”
Mom gave me one of her looks, the one that combined I’m not happy with you, and you’re in big trouble, all wrapped in one.
“I did what I had to do.” When Mom didn’t respond, I continued. “I can’t be there for you if I’m wrapped up in her.”
“I want you to be wrapped up in someone. I want you to fall in love and have your own life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I want you to be happy.”
“I love Sarah.” It was something I’d been wrestling with for a while. I had these big feelings and emotions, and I wasn’t sure how to describe them. Not until Sarah expressed her feelings first.
“I know you do.”
I wadded up the wrapper. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You broke up with her.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t there when Dad died, and I wasn’t there for you.”
“You were there for me. You showed up as soon as you heard. You’re here now. And you didn’t do anything wrong when it came to your father. You didn’t have to move home, but you did.”
“I love it here,” I said, looking out the window.
“And Sarah loves it here. Does she love you?” Mom asked.
“She said she does,” I said as my stomach fell. I wasn’t sure she’d feel the same way about me now that I’d blown her trust. I’d broken up with her and called our relationship a mistake. I didn’t respond when she said she loved me. “But I hurt her.”
“I know you did. But you need to start fixing it. You can have a life and be there for your family. You can have it all.”
My face pinched. “That’s not what I’ve heard.”
“I worked here on the farm and had my babies. We had it all. We created the life we wanted. You have that beautiful house, but it’s empty.”
“I want to fill it with love and laughter,” I said, remembering what it was like to come home to Addy and Sarah. To share my family traditions with them.
“What are you going to do about it?” Mom asked, her voice stronger.
I drained the water. “I need to fix things with Sarah.”
“Do you know how you’re going to do that?” Mom asked.
I shook my head. “I could apologize to her.”
