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“You think so?” I asked, needing reassurance that I hadn’t started something I couldn’t handle.
“He’s been jerking you around for years. I didn’t say anything because it’s your life. But I didn’t like it.”
“What do you think he’ll do? I’m worried he’ll take her for the two weeks in the summer.”
“He should see her more. What if it forces him to have a better relationship with her?”
“I don’t think we can force him to do anything,” I said to Mom.
“That’s true. It has to be better than what you have now. He barely sees her, and when he does, he calls you asking for help, as if he’s never watched a child before.”
“That’s fairly close to the truth.” His only experience was with Addy, and I was always there to help him.
“Make him stand on his own two feet. If I were you, I’d send him her activity schedule and tell him Addy would love for him to be there. If he doesn’t come, that’s on him. But agonizing over what to do about these things isn’t helping you. Give him the opportunity and space to be involved. It can’t hurt,” Dad said.
“That’s a good idea. I’d love to offload some of this guilt.”
“It’s not your fault that he’s the way he is. We all love her, and she has so many people to support her,” Mom said gently.
“Are you saying she doesn’t need him?” I asked.
“I think every girl needs her father, but what if she gets what she needs with your father or someone like Knox?” Mom asked.
“He’s so good with her, and he doesn’t have much experience with kids beyond his niece.”
“I feel like you’ve decided this is all you can have, and you’ve lived in that truth for years. But what if you’re wrong? What if there is a different life you could be living?”
“That’s what I’m exploring. I was so scared to change anything before.”
“I’m proud of you. If he takes her for those two weeks, it might be a good thing for both of them. They can get to know each other. She’s old enough that he can handle her, and if not, you go back to court and ask that he get less time with her. But I don’t think that will be necessary. Gary might surprise you.”
I laughed. “I gave up on expecting much out of him years ago.”
“People change. Look at what you’re doing,” Dad said reasonably.
I sighed. “You’re right.”
Mom shook her head. “I think this will be better for both of you. Worrying about when he wanted to see her was rough for all of us. You stressed about it and then had to chase him down at the holidays to get his answer.”
“I feel more in control now. I’m not sure what he’ll do or how he’ll react, though. That’s the scary part.”
“Know that you can handle anything that comes your way. You’re strong and independent. You’ve been raising her on your own. You’ve made all the decisions about schooling, health care, and what kind of food to feed her. He wasn’t involved in any of those decisions. You can do this, too.”
“It’s empowering to think that way.”
“You always should have been thinking this way because it’s true. I wish you’d see it like we do,” Dad said.
“I’m getting it now.” I was a strong person for doing this on my own. My parents offered their help, but I did most of it on my own.
“Dinner’s ready,” Mom called to Addy.
When she didn’t respond, Dad went in to tell her. When she was reading or watching TV, it was tough to get her attention.
“I think you’re doing the right thing. I’m proud of you,” Mom said as I helped her set the table.
“Thank you. It’s scary, but I think I’m on the right track.”
Mom touched my shoulder. “You don’t give yourself enough credit for how much you do and how far you’ve come.”
