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Jumping in the truck, he looked at her. “Rakell, my intention wasn’t to…”
Disassociate,she thought. “Please just drive, mate,” she stated, disconcertingly calm, her steady voice working to disguise the raging panic welling up in her. But no matter how she begged herself to disassociate, the shock of his knowledge…made her greatest fear a reality.How did he find out?
“Put your seatbelt on,” he directed, watching as she crossed her arms beneath her chest, whipping her face toward the window.Did she shake her head no…like an insolent toddler? Isthat what I’m dealing with? Are you kidding me right now?He snapped off his seatbelt, reaching across her body, ignoring her gasp. He jerked the buckle, pulling the wide strap tightly over her chest before clipping it, jamming it in.
She huffed, wiggling under the taut strap across her torso.
He fixed his stare on her. “Next time I ask you to put on your damn seatbelt…”
“Just drive …” she bit out, her eyes fixed ahead.
He pressed on the gas, screeching out of the driveway, then halted the truck, idling in the street so he could decompress enough to drive.
He felt like he might choke from the anxiety filling the air. Then she started mumbling as if to herself.
“It was a job.” Her tone suddenly deadpan. He looked at her, but she was staring straight ahead at seemingly nothing. “Actually, a pretty good job,” she added.
“Why did you do it? Money?” he asked, siphoning the accusation from his voice.
“Why do you do your job? Why do you risk injury every time you go out on the field?” she asked pointedly but with control.
“Um, just a little different.” She heard the judgment crawling back into his tone. “Money, I guess, but I also really like my job.”
“Well, I really liked my job too,” she said. “A lot,” she jabbed, purposely concealing the truth, the painful parts, and the fear of it costing her‘a Jake.’
“Great, that’s great,” he jumped in, not hiding his sarcasm. “Are you still doing it?”
“No, because I can’t.” She wasn’t giving him anything.
“Okay, so last year, when you were with me, then flying to Europe or wherever you were…”
“Yes, I was still working then.” Her voice was purposely slicing him, fighting the enraged tears pooling behind her eyes.Just meeting you solidified my drive to leave that part of my lifeburied somewhere in my past, but the past is moving forward with me.That thought scurried into her psyche, making her jump to the next thought:Will I ever be anyone but my past decisions?
“Same time that you were seeing me?” Repeating himself, an accusation rolling into a question. He glanced at her as he was driving, judgment building as he probed.How could I have been so blinded by her?
As she whipped her face around to look at him, her back went up in defense. “Yes, the only difference is you got it for free. Won’t make that fucking mistake again.”
“Jesus,Rae-kale, Jesus,” he said in a hushed, raspy whisper, his eyes back on the road. “I’m really, really, trying to talk to you, let you know—that I, well...”
“Know what? That you forgive me? Again, for what?” She shut her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. “Somehow, allyourfucking around is better than me fucking for a lot of money, a hell of a lot of money. You think that what I did was wrong? That I…”
He cut in. “All I’m sayin’ is that the women I was with were there willingly…they were all consensual relationships…” he elucidated, sounding weak even to his ears.
“Haa…relationships! Mine probably had more substance than yours. Really, really! You don’t think those women were there with the hope of being ‘Jake Skyler’s girlfriend’ or God, maybe the far-off dream of being his wife? You think those girls just spread their legs for nothing? No, they spread their legs for the pathetic, romantic hope of being ‘Jake Skyler, NFL quarterback’s woman.’”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said: They spread their legs for some idyllic dream of being Jake Skyler’s girl, and I spread my legs for cash, lots of it…”
“You made that clear,” he barked out.
“Yep, and I think what I did makes a hell of a lot more sense than spreading your legs and cooing up to some Neanderthal to ‘maybe, just possibly’ get to be someone’s girlfriend or wife. That’s pitiful. To me, it’s pathetic!” she yelled, looking out the window on her side, her voice cracking with emotion. “Fucking pathetic!”
“Got it,” he said bitterly. “You don’t have to worry about the cooing up shit ‘cause you don’t know how to do that, apparently.”
“Oh yes, I do. I know exactly how to act like a man is witty and interesting, even if I’m rolling my eyes behind my smile. I’ve spent my adult life pretending like some asshole could add value to my life—like they could teach me anything and…”
“And…”Why in the hell did I give her that prompt?“Never mind, I don’t need to hear it.”
