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‘How did you meet?’
‘At the Harbour pub. We set eyes on each other and it was instant fireworks, the way it can only be when you’re young and naïve and thinkRomeo and Julietis a romance not a cautionary tale. Taking up with me was the ultimate two fingers up at her parents and their expectations for her. Her parents wanted her to join the family law firm after Oxford, she wanted to study art. I was her ultimate rebellion, son of the village petty criminal with a reputation of my own. The irony is, she was a lot wilder than me. I think actually I disappointed her in many ways.’ He inhaled, thinking back to the naïve young man he’d once been, who thought that love was enough.
‘We didn’t intend to get pregnant, and she certainly didn’t intend to marry me. I was meant to be her summer fun.’ He saw Rosy wince and realised she now understood parallels he’d noticed between her situation and his past. ‘I think when people gossip about back then, they imagine me whisking her off to some bedsit on the outer edges of London. Instead, I was on such a good salary that we could move to a nice area and once Tansy was born Lily went to art school, just like she wanted. She was talented, but when she left college she was more interested in partying than working and I was making more than enough for her to indulge herself. It wasn’t that she didn’t love the girls, she just didn’t know how to be a mother and didn’t care to learn; the children would be brought out at parties and then sent away with the nanny. Just as her childhood had been.’
He reached out and swigged his now cold coffee, grateful for the caffeine. ‘Poor Lily, rather than scandalise her parents, in the end they were actually proud of me. Instead of a husband as wild as her, she found herself married to a man with a ridiculous work ethic who made more money than her parents could ever dream of and gave her the kind of life they wanted for her.’
‘Were you ever happy?’
It was a long time since he had thought of happiness where his marriage was concerned.
‘Sometimes,’ he said slowly. ‘At least we tried to be.’ After all, he’d known her as he knew himself, understood the insecurities that led to her destructive behaviour. ‘She loved the girls but motherhood bored her, so I compensated. I went to every play and dance recital, created every holiday tradition. I wanted them to have a perfect childhood. Sometimes I think that somewhere between being the best father I could and my work drive I forgot to be a husband. I didn’t want Lily to feel she’d made a mistake marrying me, I didn’t want her to feel trapped, the way my mother did. So I never challenged her about her behaviour, never questioned her about her drinking or the drugs I was pretty sure she was taking on a night out. She took lovers and I pretended not to know. Maybe if I’d intervened she wouldn’t have ended up overdosing in a hotel room at the age of twenty-eight.’
Jack couldn’t believe the words that had just tumbled out of his mouth, words he had barely dared to think before, let alone say. Words that were his truth. His shame.
But there was no condemnation on Rosy’s face. No horror. ‘I am so, so sorry, Jack.’
He shrugged, suddenly tired. ‘It’s been over two years now. Clover barely remembers her. At first, I didn’t want to make any big moves, all the books say to give it a year, not to make any sudden decisions in the first wave of grief. And the girls needed their routine. But we lived in a wealthy area, and I could see how young it started. The drinking, the drugs, the dangerous and entitled behaviour. I’m not saying Cornwall doesn’t have its problems, I know it does, and I know every school has its own issues. But I wanted to show them a different way before it was too late.’
Rosy reached out and took his hand again and he was glad of the warmth, the firmness of her grip. ‘You are not just a good father, Jack Treloar, you are an amazing one. And I am sure Lily would be glad her girls have you looking out for them.’
‘You think so?’
‘I know so.’
And for the first time in a long time Jack knew so too, freed from the guilt and grief that had plagued him since Lily’s death. He was doing his best and that was enough.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ARROSASATSTILLfor a moment, absorbing everything Jack had told her. Every instinct she possessed told her that she now knew more about Jack Treloar than any other person alive. He’d gifted her his regrets and his hopes and his dreams. It was a precious, fragile gift and she knew how rare it was. Would he have entrusted her with so much if she were staying here? Was the intensity between them fast-tracked by the finite nature of their relationship, that knowledge the clock was ticking, and she was already over halfway through her time here?
And in return Jack knew most of her secrets, apart from Clem’s identity. This was as intimate as she was ever likely to be with another human being. And that wasn’t something she could just walk away from.
But what else could she do?
‘How long are the girls with their grandparents?’
Surprise—and intrigue—flitted across his expression.
‘Until Sunday at the earliest, possibly early next week, depending on how long their grandparents can cope. Losing Lily took a toll on them both, so I like to keep arrangements flexible in case the girls need to come back early.’
‘And it’s Thursday lunchtime now.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘If you include this afternoon then you have three days until the end of the weekend.’
Jack raised his eyebrows in bemused query. ‘Three days to what?’
‘To take a leaf out of my book and get away from it all,’ she said. ‘Responsibility and duty and shouldering everything yourself is all very well, but if you don’t put down your burdens occasionally then you run the risk of breaking.’
‘My girls are not a burden.’ But, to her relief, he didn’t sound angry.
Emboldened, she went on. ‘No, of course not. But I don’t know a single parent who isn’t glad of a break every now and then. We all need to refill the well, Jack. And if your plans for the next few days are just work, work, work how are you going to do any refilling?’
‘You think I’m in danger of running dry?’ Now he sounded amused as well as curious.
‘All I’m saying is that I do know a lot about burnout. I had no idea how close I was myself until the morning I woke up here. It was almost overwhelming, I almost left it too late. But I know now never to let myself get to that stage again.’ Arrosa picked up her coffee and drained it. ‘You know, I always thought my mother was selfish, disappearing off on retreat every summer without me and without my father. It always seemed an affectation to me, but I understand her better now. For forty-eight weeks of the year she’s the perfect Queen. She puts all her own hopes and desires to one side and concentrates on supporting my father, supporting me, making small talk, being the consummate hostess. No wonder she needs four weeks a year when she’s just herself.’
Truth was, Arrosa was a little ashamed of how judgemental she’d been. She, of all people, knew that her parents’ marriage was no fairy tale but rather a sometimes brutal business arrangement, one broken before it had had a chance to flourish after Zorien had confessed about his love affair with Clem’s mother. How could she judge her mother for taking one month a year for herself? She made a quick resolve to call her. They didn’t have the sort of relationship which included cosy chats or calls to just check in, but maybe that was something that could change. She might have lost her second mother, but her own mother was still alive and well and Arrosa should not take that for granted.
‘So, you think I need a break?’
