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“It’s a big decision,” is all I can get out.
He steps closer. “I also know you got into Texas. My mom told me after your dad called her the second he found out. They wanted us to go together. They’ve always wanted us to be together.”
I shake my head. “Dad loved Beau.”
“Yes, he did. But I was the son he never had. Not him.”
We stare in each other’s eyes.
“Come with me. Be with me.”
I blink, feeling like I need to say something but I can’t get the words to come out.
When he rushes forward and kisses me, all my senses are lost as I stand there, goo in his hands, but not really kissing him back. I feel like a mannequin, not able to speak or move yet fully dressed and ready to go.
He steps back and closes his eyes as he inhales a deep breath. “Please say you’ll think about it.”
I surprise even myself when I nod as I close my eyes and take a deep inhale. I hear him leave, and instantly, I move my hand to my lips, remembering for just a moment longer what his lips felt like, pressed against mine.
* * *
When we get to the field, they have us line up in rows alphabetically by our last names, which is always so easy for me to find since I’m at the very end and there’s always very few of us with a last name that starts withZ.
I looked for Beau when we arrived, but didn’t see him, and since his last name is Brady, he’s all the way on the other side of the field, so there’s no point in looking for him now.
I’ve never been so thankful to have none of my friends have the same letter starting their last name as me, so I can take the time I have right now to think about everything that Aaron said.
Having to leave my room and the house, acting like the biggest bomb wasn’t just dropped on me, felt impossible. I know Debbie knew something was up, and she probably thought it was about my dad, but little did she know what her son had just done and said.
I think about what my life would be like in California with Beau. His mom will still be here, and his dad lives a few hours away, so it would just be the two of us.
Yet, if I go to Texas with Aaron, it would be the two of us also, but why does it feel different than being alone with Beau?
My chest tightens as I realize I’m actually thinking about going to Texas—something I’ve fought for so long, and now, I know why.
I’m not choosing schools. I’m choosing boys.
These last four years, I’ve been with both of them, and though I was with them at different times, they both were still here, in my life.
And that’s about to change.
Forever.
This will be the last week that I’ll have both of them here, with me, in any capacity.
That’s what is making my decision so hard, and now that I realize it, it’s even harder to think about.
Do I go with the boy I lust over, who lights my insides on fire at just the sight of him, or do I go with the boy I’ve been with since we were little, who offers me comfort and has always been by my side, no matter what?
I walk to the front of the line and look down the long area of students, all dressed in black and white in their caps and gowns, and instantly, my eyes lock with Beau’s, who was obviously waiting for me to notice him standing there.
He holds up the hand sign forI love you, and my heart melts.
He does love me.
So, why am I even questioning going with him? Or, more importantly, why haven’t I even told him that I got into Cal?
The graduation march music plays over the loudspeakers, and the people at the front of the line start to make their way to where we’ll all be sitting.
