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My heart races as I take in the words of Aaron’s handwriting.
I open the window so I can remove it and bring it inside with me. So many things run through my head.
How long has the note been there?
Why didn’t he just knock so we could talk?
What is it that he wants to talk about?
Does he think it was a mistake?
Did I just give up my virginity to my best friend, and now, I’m going to have my heart crushed?
Is this really the feeling I’m going to remember for the rest of my life when I think about losing my virginity?
All these thoughts make me sick to my stomach, and just as bad as I want to know the answers, I don’t.
A part of me wants to go back to yesterday, before he came over. I want to take it all back and never allow him to come inside, never walk us back to my room, and never get so lost in his kiss that I lose all control of my ability to think straight.
I hop in the shower, washing the last bit of any part of him I had on me away, and throw my hair in a bun before heading out to the kitchen.
I leave my dad a note since I know he got in late and won’t be up for a while. I tell him I’m going to the lake with Aaron and have to sigh at the irony. He’ll read this and be totally fine that I’m going because I’ll be with him, but little does he know that Aaron just did exactly what he has Aaron protecting me from when it comes to other guys.
If my dad were to find out, I truly think he’d kill Aaron.
As I walk to the lake, I try to not get my anxiety up too much, but when I get there and see him sitting on the top of the picnic table with his feet on the bench, just looking at the lake, staring off into space, I can tell he’s feeling the same way I am. It makes me wonder how long he’s been here.
He hears me approaching and turns so fast that it makes me stop in my tracks. When my eyes lock with his, my heart starts to pound out of control as we stare at each other. I take a deep breath in and work my way toward him.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.”
I stand in front of him, feeling more awkward than I ever have in my entire life.
He breaks the ice by reaching out and grabbing my hand. The gesture takes away some of the tension I feel between us.
“How long have you been out here?” I ask.
He shrugs. “An hour or so.”
“Sorry I didn’t see the note earlier.”
“It’s okay. I needed time to think.” He looks off to the side.
“About what?”
He turns his attention back to me. “Us.”
“Is there an us?”
He tugs me a little closer to him. “What’s going on with you and Beau?”
I blink in thought as I realize, throughout everything that’s popped in my mind since Aaron left my room last night, not once did I think about Beau.
“He isn’t my boyfriend, if that’s what you’re asking,” I finally say. I mean, he’s never asked me to be his girlfriend.
“Are you sure he feels that way?”
