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“And I take it, Aaron didn’t like your reaction to seeing them together.”
I nod my head again as I keep my sight glued on the comforter.
“Why do you think it bothered you so much?”
I drop my head back and let out another sigh. “That’s what I can’t figure out. I like Aaron. I’ve been happy with Aaron.”
“Sounds like seeing them together brought up some emotions you didn’t know you had.”
I look at him. “But what does that mean?”
He rubs my leg like any caring parent would when their child isn’t feeling good. “This is the kind of situation you have to give time.”
“Well, Aaron still won’t talk to me, so I’ve had all the time in the world to think about it, and I still have no clue.”
“I can’t blame him for being upset. I think I’d be pretty mad if your mom got jealous of another relationship the way you did.”
I squint my eyes at him. “Do you really think it meant I was jealous? Of Megan? But I have Aaron.”
“If it wasn’t jealousy, then what do you think it was?”
I inhale a deep breath. This is what has puzzled me so much. When I saw them together, I didn’t feel jealous. I felt absolute rage. In my mind, in that second, I truly felt like I’d caught someone I love cheating on me.
But why?
Is what Aaron said true? Are drunk words truthful thoughts?
Do I have feelings for Beau that I have been denying because I’m with Aaron?
But I truly do love Aaron. I’ve loved being with him, and he’s been my best friend for years. So, why would these feelings for Beau still be there when we weren’t really anything to begin with?
Dad rubs my leg again, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Don’t worry too much about it. Things will get better, I promise. You guys are young, and Aaron is your first relationship. Since you’ve known each other for so long, you didn’t have those early stages of getting to know each other. You already knew everything there was to know about one another, which brought your relationship to a level maybe you weren’t ready for yet.”
I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
“You guys were comfortable with each other from day one. There was no real excitement of getting to know each other. When you’re older, married even, comfortable is something you strive for. But at your age, it might not be as exciting as what you’re looking for.”
With that, he stands. “Think about it. I’m here if you want to talk more, okay?”
As he walks out, I inhale a breath and nod my head slowly, thinking about the words that my dad said.
When I first hung out with Beau, there was this level of thrill of the unknown. That day he asked me if he could escort me is still one of my biggest highlights from that year. I was so shocked he wanted to go with me. There was this excitement I’d never had with Aaron.
Every time we spoke, I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling, or what he would do next. With Aaron, it wasn’t like that at all. I probably know him better than he knows himself, and I can probably nail what he’s thinking to a T pretty much at all times.
I knew nothing about Beau, so he was this mystery, this Christmas present that was wrapped in multiple decorative papers and different-sized boxes that I had to uncover layer by layer.
With Aaron, there was none of that.
I already knew everything about him. There were no secrets between us, no layers.
I never thought that bothered me, but maybe deep down, it did. I just didn’t understand it until now.
I was comfortable with him. He was comfortable.
But why would anyone want to ever be uncomfortable?
I drop my body to the side and scream into my bed, more lost than I’ve ever been.
