AllFreeNovel
Share Us
And it’s in that moment that it all seems so clear. How wrong this is. How unfair it is. And how it really isn’t even his fault. But it’s not mine either.
Sitting up, I stand. Walking to my closet, I pull my robe around my body.
“Why did you take me surfing?” I whisper, my voice growing hoarse. “Or to the art museum?”
“What?” he says, confused. “Why not? I mean…you’re my friend. I care about you. So, I do things that make you happy.” He looks surprised. “You took me to Disney World. Why did you do that?”
“Because I love you,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
When he stares at me, I shrug, my eyes filling with tears. “I am in love with you, Brody.”
Dragging his hand over his face, he groans. “Fuck, Bria! I didn’t ask you for that!” He pounds his fist against the mattress. “What part offriends who fuckdidn’t you understand?”
“I think you feel the same way,” I squeak, forcing out the words.
“No”—he shakes his head quickly—“I don’t.”
His words break my heart, and I sniffle.
“If this is all I’m good for, then I think you need to leave.”
He looks like I punched him in the gut as he stares at me.
“What?” he whispers. “Wh-what are you talking about?”
“We started this friendship because we both had issues. Issues that needed to be dealt with.” I chew the inside of my cheek so hard that I taste blood. “I know you don’t mean to, Brody, but you’re single-handedly killing me.” I laugh bitterly. “And healing? Do you really think this is what this is?” I motion between us. “Fuck, I mean, I’ll need healing from this.” I look at him. “Fromyou.”
“Where is this coming from? I just fucking ate you like a dessert and fucked you into next week.” He holds his arms out. “What the fuck has happened?”
“Every time we do this…it leaves me wanting more. And then we end up just getting naked again.” I shrug. “I deserve more than to be used as your own personal hole to stick your dick in.”
“But we both agreed to being friends,” he says defensively before standing up and pulling his briefs on. He steps in front of me. “Bria, please, I need you in my life. I…I know I fuck up a lot. But I care about you.”
“As a friend,” I mutter under my breath, scared to look at him as I say the words. “That’s all, right?”
“Well, yeah.” He runs a hand down his neck. “What the fuck else would it be, Bria? You know I don’t do relationships. And I sure as hell don’t do love. And trust me, you don’t want me. I wouldn’t be good at it.”
A tear streams down my cheek. “You know, I don’t care if, deep down, you’re scared.” I swallow, finally looking into his eyes. “And I don’t care if you’re not the person you pretend to be. Because that person isn’t who I fell in love with.”
“I’m not scared,” he growls, turning his head to me and staring at my lips. “I knew I shouldn’t have kept fucking you, Bria. I knew you’d want more.”
“I think you do too,” I plead, knowing I sound desperate. “And maybe it could work.”
“No, it can’t,” he snaps, his face softening after the words come out. “I’m sorry. But it’s never going to work out between us. We’re friends. I consider you my best friend. But I’m not the guy you fall in love with. And I’m sure as hell not the one who loves you back.”
“Then, leave.” I swallow. “Now.”
Shaking his head, he glares. “You think you can handle me? You think you’re going to fix the darkness that lives inside my head?” He tsks me. “Just because your old man liked drugs and is dead, you think that makes you dark, like I am?” he taunts. “Well, it doesn’t. You have no idea how fucked up I am, babe. And if you did, you wouldn’t be standing here, begging me to love you. I promise you that.”
“Fuck you,” I hiss. “Fuck. You.”
“You already did that,” he says, unfazed.
I sit somberly. In the midst of the hurricane that is Brody…I guess I never realized just how much I wanted him. How it actually hurts to imagine that he will never be mine. But there’s some screwed-up part in my brain that was telling me that if I just kept giving myself to him…eventually, he’d love me back. That same part of me that is still a little kid, waiting for her dad to take her to the father-daughter dance he’d promised he would. And just like back then, I’ve been playing it off like it’s no big deal. Because God forbid—God fucking forbid—my feelings make someone else uncomfortable.
It’s a vicious cycle. A merry-go-round that won’t stop. And for the life of me, I can’t get the hell off of it. But right now…I want to. And for once, I don’t care if that hurts someone else.
Giving him one last look, I sniffle. He’s always been straightforward about what he does and doesn’t want. He’s really done nothing wrong besides make me fall in love with him without meaning to.
