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“You are so much more than what even you believe, Brody. But you’re never going to let me love you. Just like you’re never going to love me either. And I know that’s not your fault because I was the stupid one for thinking maybe, just maybe, you could.” I take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “If you spend your entire life living in the past, you will never heal. And for that, I’m so sorry. But I can’t stay in the past with you. Even if I wish I could.”
Standing on my tiptoes, I kiss his cheek. “I need you to leave. And I need you to not come back.”
His eyebrows pull together as he shakes his head softly. “No. You don’t mean that, Bria. You’re my best fucking friend. We can go back. We can pretend we never had sex. Just please, please don’t leave me.”
He sounds like a child whose mom is dropping him off to kindergarten for the very first time. Scared. Overwhelmed.
“I’m sorry that it feels like I’m leaving you, Brody. But I can’t do this.”
“You are leaving me,” he growls. “Shit is getting difficult, you’re seeing me for who I am, and you’re fucking leaving.” He runs a hand over his head, looking distraught. “You’re just like everyone else in my life, Bria.” His voice rises, and he slams his fist against my drywall, making a small hole. “You’rejust like everyone else.”
Giving me one more look, he sucks in a breath. “I wish I’d never fucking met you.”
And then he turns and leaves.
And I don’t try to stop him because, really, what’s left to say?
If you play with fire, you’re going to get burned. It might not happen right away, but you will. Every. Single. Time.
And, shit, I’m feeling the sting of it now.
Brody
It hurts, so I numb the pain with another shot. Shit that I haven’t felt in years is bubbling up out of nowhere. And it’s all her fault.
Bria fucking Collins.
I always knew that our friendship was bound to get messy. And when we added sex to that, we were asking for trouble. But I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop because she became the only thing I wanted.
I began craving her from the time my body stirred awake in the morning right up until I fell asleep at night. I knew the feeling inside my soul was the unfamiliar feeling of love. But that didn’t matter. I’m not capable of loving her enough.
Deep down, I’m just a fucking monster. Except unlike most people, she’s not scared of monsters.
I knew that if I let her get too close, I’d only end up ruining her. Still, selfishly, I wanted to cling to her like a life vest, holding her just to keep myself from drowning.
I think about my tattoo, knowing damn well I’ve never felt like I was enough a day in my life. Yet, through her eyes, that’s what she thinks.
Because she doesn’t know me.
I’m thankful she isn’t working tonight. If she were, I wouldn’t be here. Club 83 seemed like the right stop after I left her place. But countless beers and multiple shots later, my chest still aches, and the anger still pumps through my veins. There’s no escaping her.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone sit next to me. I don’t have to turn and look to know it’s Link.
“What are you doing, O’Brien?” he mutters, sounding drained. “You’re getting pretty sloppy.”
Finishing another beer, I shrug. “I figured I was due for one of these nights.”
“Why is that?”
“Because why the fuck not?” I snap impulsively. “Really though, tell me that, Sterns. Why the fuck shouldn’t I be here? Where else do I have to be?” I wait a moment. “That’s right. Nowhere.”
“Home,” he says softly. “Getting rested for practice tomorrow. Not scaring the piss out of me because Bria messaged me, saying you left her house an hour ago and she wanted to make sure you’d made it home safely. And guess what. You hadn’t. So, I had to drag my ass out of bed and come find you because you wouldn’t answer your fucking phone.”
“I smashed my phone after I left Bria’s,” I mutter. “And why the fuck would it matter to her if I didn’t make it home? Huh? She’s fake. She doesn’t give a shit if I’m safe or not.”
“You and I both know that’s the furthest thing from the truth.” He pats my arm. “You’re hurting, Brody. I get it. I’m hurting too.”
“Sure,” I utter, wishing he’d walk away and leave me alone. That’s what I deserve.
