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I’m on my feet and at her side in seconds, kissing her forehead.
“It is, but I’m still a little angry with you right now. So … for today, I might call you a major pain in my ass.” My vision gets blurry from the tears that she always brings out in me, turning me into a giant pussy. “You scared the shit out of me, angel.”
“Sorry,” she whispers before holding her arms out for Eli. “He’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.”
Gently, I position him on her, setting pillows at her sides so that she’s more comfortable before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“More perfect than me?” I narrow my eyes at her. “He’s been here for a few measly hours, and already, he’s shit his pants, and yet he’s more perfect than me? This is bullshit.”
She starts to giggle but then stops. “I’m not going to lie; I’m worried about how awful this scar is going to feel when the epidural or whatever is blocking the pain wears off.”
“Are you in any pain right now? Do you need me to get you something?” I start to get up, but her voice stops me.
“No, I’m fine. Just stay here.” She looks down at Eli, brushing her finger against his cheek. “A few hours on Earth, and your mama missed it.” She brings him closer, inhaling him. “From now on, I’ll be right here.”
I look down at the two of them, and I feel every bit as happy as I do sad. Because this is a moment we’ll never get back. And if I hadn’t made the choices I did in the past, I’d be able to kiss Haley right now. But I can’t. Not right now.
I’m so in love with this woman, and I can’t even tell her. Not yet anyway. So, instead, I press another kiss to the top of her head.
“I’m so proud of you, Haley. Thank you. For giving me the chance to be his dad.” I close my eyes. “I promise, I won’t mess this up.”
I feel her head nod softly. “I know,” she whispers. “I know you won’t.”
And I mean it. For once, I won’t fuck something up.
31
Haley
After bringing me a bottle and setting a can of Dr. Pepper and a muffin next to the remote on the coffee table, Cade heads toward the door before he stops—just like he always does.
I bring the bottle to Eli’s mouth, and per usual, he quickly starts feeding. Nursing wasn’t something my body wanted any part of. Neither was pumping or really anything that involved a milk supply. And as frustrating as that was, what mattered to me was that Eli was fed. So, with Cade’s reassurance that it was fine, we made the call to switch to formula.
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Cade says—which, since I had the baby, is the same thing he asks before every time he leaves me. “Because I can totally tell LaConte that—”
“Cade, we’re good,” I assure him, knowing he can’t just tell Coach LaConte he isn’t coming in now that he’s actually working as a coach. “Go to work before you’re late.”
He widens his eyes. “Yeah, and then they’ll think I’m back to—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” I warn him. “We’re good.”
Walking over to us once again, he kisses Eli’s head and then mine. “I’ll be back in a few hours. Text me what you want for a coffee order today since you’ve been changing it so dang often that I can’t even keep up, woman.”
“You know, you don’t always have to bring me coffee. I know you’re busy with hockey training.” I cringe. “And staying up with this little man so often.”
As many times as I’ve told Cade to go to sleep and that I’ll take the night shift with our two-week-old, who has no interest in sleeping during the night hours, Cade insists. Which often leads to us binge-watching shows all night. Okay, Cade binges. I usually pass out and wake up hours later, somehow tucked into my bed.
Cade has been staying over since we brought Eli home. He sleeps on the couch since my spare bedroom is a gorgeous reading nook. He is the epitome of the perfect partner. My hormones are a mess. I cry at the drop of a hat. But having him here has been a saving grace. I think spending time with the team as a student coach has given him a sense of pride. He’s also started a job—which he is loving, teaching kids how to skate on weekends and some weeknights at the arena. He’s never said it, but I know it’s because he wants to provide for our son. And even though we aren’t in a relationship right now, we’re still a family. Cade is my family.
Both of our parents have come to visit multiple times since Eli was born. My mother’s always had a hard exterior, but I swear I saw it soften when she saw her grandson for the very first time. And Kat and Caden … they are obsessed. They FaceTime daily.
Hunter stops in far too often and has been deemed a baby hogger by Sutton. Watson won’t say it out loud, but he’s terrified of holding the baby. And Remi, well, I’m slightly worried she might actually try to steal him sometimes.
We have the greatest support system. And Eli is surrounded by the very best people.
32
Haley
