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Four Months Later
Something wakes me up, though I was in such a deep sleep that I’m barely conscious, so I can’t figure out what the hell it was. I blame that on the fact that I didn’t get Eli down until nearly eleven tonight after he fussed for basically the entire day. I’m wiped.
The sound starts again, and I shoot up in bed to find my phone vibrating on my nightstand. When I see it’s a few minutes after midnight, I frown.
Why the hell is Cade calling me this late?
After the first month of Eli’s life, I made Cade move back to his house across the road because my couch was far from comfortable and I felt terrible, watching his huge body trying to fit on it.
Dread fills my gut, and I feel guilty that I’m instantly scared that he’s off doing something he’s not supposed to be doing and has now gotten himself in a mess.
Sliding my finger across the screen, I bring the phone to my ear. “Cade? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is … it’s raining out. And since it’s November, that means it’s pretty fucking cold. But here I am, outside your door, getting my ass wetter than a sponge in a kitchen sink,” he drawls. “And, yeah, I would have just snuck in, but I know you keep a baseball bat beside your door, and I didn’t feel like getting my nuts cracked tonight.”
“I don’t—” I start to say, but he stops me.
“Are you going to let me in, angel? Or what?”
“Yeah … yeah!” I say, standing up quickly. “But don’t you dare wake your son up. That little guy was grumpy today.”
“Must get it from his mama,” he teases. “Kidding. Hurry up, babe.”
I race down the short hallway, my feet padding along the carpet, and I yank the door open. And when his eyes fall to my body, I look down and blush when I remember I’m wearing one of his shirts that I stole when he was away.
“Nice shirt.” He smirks. “Tell me, did you get yourself all hot, wearing that in bed while I was gone—”
“Cade,” I hiss, “stop.” I wave my hand toward him. “What are you doing here?”
A few pieces of wet hair peek out of his hood as he steps through the doorway. He’s so damn handsome; it should be illegal or something. He grins at me, showing me that subtle dimple, but when he moves closer to me and closes the door behind him, I can tell he’s about to be anything but goofy.
“A year ago on this date, I snuck my pills into the bathroom and got high one last time. Then, the next day, I got in the car with my parents, heading home—or so I thought. I rememberevery single thing about that day, Haley. Like you coming into my room and trying to talk to me.”
“You were angry with me,” I utter, biting down on my lip. “Because I’d betrayed you. Or … you felt like I had.”
“Was I mad that you had told everyone the truth about me? Yeah, I was. I was fucking pissed.” He stops, his lips wet from being out in the rain. “But you know why I couldn’t look at you? Do you know the real reason why I had to walk away that day?”
“Why?” I ask weakly. Not knowing if I even want to hear it. After all, I’ve always been so in love with him. I’m not sure he’ll ever catch up to the way I feel. So, right now, I have no idea what is about to come out of his mouth.
“Because I was so fucking in love with you, Haley, that I knew that if I didn’t walk away then, I never would. And you are the best human being I have ever met. You’re the sunshine that comes after a heavy rainstorm. The kind that lights up everything it touches. And there I was, a drug addict.” He shakes his head.
“The only way I can explain it is, being an addict feelslike you’re drowning, but you’re so consumed with getting high just to feel normal that you stop caring that you’re slowly dying and giving up on yourself.” He gives me a sad smile, his lips turning up the smallest, tiniest bit. “When I was sitting in rehab, I realized something. The only times I didn’t feel like I was drowning in the months before that point were when I was with you. But you needed more than what I was back then. I knew that.
He cups my cheeks. “A year is a long-ass time to wait when it comes to kissing you, Haley Thompson. Or holding you the way I need to. I’ll never fuck up from here on out because I never want to go through that again.
“That day you came to see me at rehab, I told you that the day I was one year sober, I was coming for you. Well, here Iam. Ready to tell you all the reasons why you should give me a chance even though I know you could do better than me. I’m far from perfect. But I’ve looked at enough of the descriptions on the backs of those books you love to read, and I know that your idea of a fairy tale often comes from the most flawed beginnings.”
He’s so close now, sliding one of his hands so that it pushes some of my hair away from my face. “I love the way your face lights up when you talk about Eli. And I adore watching you read one of your porno books, especially when you get to a dirty scene and you blush, glancing around to make sure no one is watching. I love that your hair is frizzy when it rains and that you prefer sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt to any other article of clothing. And I really,reallyfucking love that you always wear mismatched socks. And it’s not on purpose either. You just literally can’t find the match for any of them. Your cell phone is never over ten percent charged because you never plug it in at night. Or that someone could give you a million dollars and you’d potentially lose it because you’re so dang unorganized that it’s painful. And don’t even get me started on the places you leave your laptop, car keys, and hair ties.” He chuckles. “But as frustrating as it might be to others, I think it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And I want a lifetime of it.” His thumb slides over my bottom lip. “I want a lifetime with you, Haley.”
A lump lodges itself in my throat as tears well in my eyes. “If this is only because you feel a responsibility to be with me for Eli … please, don’t do this.”
“Why would you think that?” He cradles my face in both hands, forcing me to look up at him.
I try to look down, but I can’t. So, instead, I squeeze my eyes shut. “Because I’ve always loved you more, Cade. I’ve always chased you … and waited for you to stop running so I could catch you.” I sniffle. “And for you to actually see me.”
“See you, angel?” His voice is raspy now. “All I seeisyou.” Bending his neck down, he gazes into my eyes. “Before I even knew there was a baby in our story, I knew we weren’t finished. I wanted to let you go because, deep down, I knew you deserved the world, and I was scared I couldn’t give it to you. But, Haley, I promise you … those weeks of me fighting my demons, playing in games when I was high off my ass, going through withdrawal, and feeling more alone in rehab than I had my entire life? It was you who got me through it. It was knowing that if I was ever going to get my shot to make you happy, to be the one putting a smile on your face again … I had to get my life together. I’m here today because of you, Haley. Because your love saved my life and I’m ready to be everything you deserve. You and Eli both.” He pauses. “My life might not sound like much to a lot of people. No future in professional hockey or being a famous athlete. But in my eyes, spending my life with you and Eli … if you ask me … I won the lottery.”
“Do you mean that?” I whisper.
