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“What the hell was that about?” Dave asked as I readjusted my headset over my ears.
“Nothing,” I seethed.
It was bad enough Richard had approached me right before the game with his bullshit, but the fact that he dared to speak to Charleigh again made me want to strangle him.
I looked around the sidelines really quick, seeing if he was still on the field or if he had made his way to his suite to watch the game. When I didn't see him, I turned to glance toward his private box. Even though he was so far away in the stadium, I hoped he was looking down and could see the hate I had on my face toward him.
“Coach?” Cam had come up beside me and I turned around, giving my quarterback my full attention. The guys playing on the team, the ones I cared about most in my line of work, were the only reason I didn't leave the field and march up to Richard right then and there.
“Yeah?” I glanced up at him as he was slightly taller than me, though not by much.
“Last year, I risked my career, public scrutiny, and even my freedom because I fell in love.”
His words seemed to be coming out of the blue. I didn't understand where he was coming from or why he was saying them. I just lowered my headset again and furrowed my eyebrows at him in question.
“It was all worth it,” he added, before patting my back and running onto the field for our turn on offense.
Thank God for Cam, because he served as a backup head coach, calling plays and arranging the offense while I stood there dumbfounded. It was anger I felt, not love. I wanted to don my hardest hitting gloves and cause bruises. Not because I was in love, but because I was in hate… with Richard Elder.
The whistles blowing pulled me from my daydreams about breaking my knuckles on my boss’ face and I checked back into my job.
Charleigh was waving her arms, signaling to the head referee what call she was making so he could announce it to the crowd. Then she turned to make her way back to the side of the field.
We locked eyes and she stopped walking, seeing something in me that even I wasn't aware I was conveying. I wanted to reach my hand out to her, pull her to me, have her tell me everything that was going on in that gorgeous head of hers. Then I wanted to fix it for her, no matter the cost.
It would be worth it.
Cam’s words came back to me as the thought of risking my career to make sure she was okay scrolled through my mind.
It was all worth it.
I turned my back to Charleigh, allowing us both to take a breath and get back to work. Eye to eye, face to face, we only saw each other. And even though I started the day off pissed that she blocked me, I knew that if Richard was also feeding her bullshit, she had done the right thing to block me and save herself from the possibility that I was involved.
She had seen me talking to Richard before the game. He was telling me I needed to control her, intimidate her, and make sure she knew who to thank for her career. I told him no, I had been telling him no.
But what did she hear? What did she assume we were talking about?
I tugged at my hair, wanting to leave the field and take her with me. How was I going to wait the entire game to talk to her, to make sure she knew that despite my eagerness to get her off the field, it was never because I didn’t believe in her or want her to succeed, but it was always to protect her from the owners, like Richard, who saw her as nothing but a means to more money, clout, and someone they thought they could intimidate into controlling.
Charleigh wore her dreams coming true on her sleeve. The entire world knew how important it was to her to be a referee in the NFL and I knew from the moment I met with everyone in New York that the new female referee would be exploited and utilized in a manner that no other referee had to deal with.
I didn't want that for her, no matter who she ended up being. But once I found out it was the woman I couldn't stop thinking about from New York, I became even more enraged. I've wanted to save her, spare her, and extricate her from the dirty side of the game that no one else ever saw. I wanted to do all of that, while still saving myself, my job, and my livelihood.
But now I don't think I cared anymore. The truth had to come out, even if it cost me everything I had worked so hard for. Charleigh deserved to know why I was insisting she leave, but more importantly, she deserved to have someone stand up for her and what she was going through and shed a light on gender inequality in the NFL.
They wanted the praise of being on the right side of history, the approval of public opinion, but that wasn't the reality of the movement for Charleigh. She just didn’t know it yet. I never wanted to hurt her feelings or to make it known to her what was really happening. I just did the dumb thing and pushed her too, hoping that if she left on her own, the joke would be on them.
I was going to tell her after the game. Screw the media, the interviews, and even my post game speech to the team. I was going to go straight to her and give her everything she deserved to know,
After several minutes of reflecting, I zoned back into the game and tried to be the best coach I could while I could. Because after I betrayed Richard, and the NFL, I was sure I would be out of a job.
Thankfully, the resolve in my heart made it easier to focus, and the game started flying by. I even threw in a few obscenities at Charleigh for calls she probably nailed but I still didn't like.
Half time, I left her alone, knowing if I saw her that our conversation would start too soon and have to end before it was settled. But by the end of the third quarter, I walked up beside her during a timeout and told her what I needed from her.
“I need to talk to you after the game. It's important.”
“I’m not having sex with you”, she said with her head down to hide her lips.
