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“She left,” Al said into my ear when he sidled up beside me.
I stopped looking around, trying not to show my hand to anyone else. Al and Bobby probably didn't know the story, but they knew she and I hadsomethingconsidering how hard she was trying to get me to leave.
From then on out, I let her go. My head was in the fight, in the motions, and in the hits I knew Sisco was going to get in. I had prepared for that moment, needed it, and craved it. It was finally time to let myself loose.
I shed my shirt and the fight started quickly. Sisco had been working out hard because he was stronger and faster. He was more prepared and landing tricks that I hadn't seen before.
By the final round, I knew I was up. Despite how hard Sisco had worked, I wanted it more. I always wanted it more. I didn’t make it to the pros as a football player and then become the youngest coach in the league because I half assed my desire to win. And the one thing I wanted most in my entire life was to always win.
Not just the fight, but in life.
Sisco had hardships I could never relate to, but he was young. One day he was going to get a fight like this, or maybe even on a larger scale, and he was going to beat the shit out of his opponent and prove his greatness.
But that wasn't going to start with me.
Chapter35
Charleigh
Icouldn't stick around and watch. The guilt was eating away at me so deep that I felt physically ill.
Al and Bobby were going to want to know what the hell was going on, but I could answer their questions later. Fight day, with all those people around, was the last place we needed to have that conversation.
Not to mention, I wanted to talk to Levi first. I no longer wanted to risk mistakes where he was concerned.
After the game the day before, the way his eyes told me I was okay and that he was there for me, I knew I should have been more honest with him. Even if he hadn't been honest with me, he told me he wanted to talk, but we never got that chance to hear the secrets I knew he needed to divest.
Then I was too late getting to him.
Too late to tell my own secrets.
The look of anger and confusion he gave me would forever stick with me. At that moment, he didn't look like a grown man, he looked like a hurt and lost boy.
I went straight to my mom’s, not wanting to go home and be alone. After the last couple of days, I needed her and the comfort that only Mom could bring me. I also needed to talk to her and tell her the truth.
As if sensing her daughter’s emotional distress, she threw the door open before I could let myself in and wrapped her arms around me. It never ceased to amaze me that I was thirty-five years old, and she still had a hold on me like I was a child.
“Baby girl,” she said, smashing her face to my cheek. “You okay?”
“No,” I said flatly.
“Let's go inside. Jesse is playing video games so we can have girl talk and some lunch.”
I followed her in and sat at the table in the kitchen, waiting quietly as she prepared sandwiches. Not until she sat down and rested her hands on her chin did I finally spill my guts.
“I think I’m in love with Levi Peyton.”
Whatever she was expecting me to say, that wasn't it. Her eyes shot wide and she drew herself back in her chair needing to create enough space to think.
“The coach?” She finally asked. “The one that spends most of his time yelling at you on the sidelines?”
“Yep,” I nodded, and took a bite of my sandwich. Even I was in shock by what I was saying, but it also felt good to finally be honest with myself.
“Like, real love? Or a crush?”
“Like real love, Mom. The kind that makes me obsess over him in a way that I swore I would never do with a man. The kind that makes me make mistakes, take risks, and then run away. I have spent the entire season so far wishing he was someone else so I was free to be with him. But even our positions with the NFL haven't stopped us. Even when I thought he may be my demise and kill my career intentionally, I still sought him out and let him find me when he wanted to be near me.”
I went on to tell her how we met in New York, how he showed up to fight Sisco, and how we had only had one night together that didn't involve us fighting. I told her that I didn’t know what to do with my new job, or what kind of future I had if the truth ever came out. I also confessed that I had already considered quitting, like Levi had insisted I do from the beginning.
