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“Oh, are you sure?” Sarcasm dripped from my words. “Aren’t you too busy? Don’t you have to go threaten someone or murder another old woman?”
Dario remained silent, his face an expressionless mask. I brushed a furious hand over my wet cheek. Dario leaned forward and Lucio passed him a pack of tissues from the dash. I snatched it and didn’t say a word, turning my back on him and gazing unseeing out the window.
An hour later I wished I’d let him come in with me, even though I hated Dario so much at that moment. But having someone sit with me in this bare, white-walled little room might have made things easier. I’d stopped crying. Tears were pointless. I knew that.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me, Mom?” I whispered, staring at the tiny woman lying so still. “Why didn’t you ever tell me I had a brother?” But she would never be able to tell me anything now. Not ever again. I got to my feet, shivering slightly, and walked to the small window with the drawn blind. There was a table in the corner with a statue of the Virgin Mary on it and I imagined the statue would be changed out depending on who lay in the bed.
The nurse had been sympathetic, and I recognized her as the one who had been trying to get Mom to talk to me yesterday. Guilt squeezed me hard again. Mom had died alone because instead of insisting Dario brought me today, I’d just wanted to forget it all for an hour. I wanted to pretend that Dario cared for me. That I was important.
There was a knock on the door and the nurse showed a priest in. Mom hadn’t exactly been devout, but I supposed this would have been what she wanted. The irreverent expression ‘older than God’ came to mind as I stared at the white-haired old man whose hands shook so badly as he reached out to take mine. I noticed the bottom of a tattoo peeking out under his sleeve. Didpriests have tattoos? It seemed a strange detail. He clutched my hands and gazed at me, his tired blue eyes moisture-laden.
“I have a message for you, my child.”
I swallowed. I really didn’t need this, and tried to pull away, slightly creeped out when he didn’t let go. “This is from your brother.”
My head shot up to his. “What?” I tried to pull away again and this time he let me. “Who are you?”
“A friend.”
I doubted that. “You know my brother?” He shook his head.
“I have been instructed to give you a message.”
“Who by?” How did anyone know I would be here?
He shook his head again. “The message is that whatever may have happened today, you must keep your appointment tomorrow.”
I gaped. My mom had died, and Sofia obviously still expected me to still go to lunch tomorrow. “Are you insane?”
His shoulders hunched a little. “I was told that your brother might be travelling tomorrow night, going on a voyage, and it was important he speak to you before he leaves.”
I froze. It was Sofia. It had to be, and she must have lied when she said she didn’t know where Mom was, and more than that, how could they possibly know I would come here this afternoon?
And then the answer hit me. It didn’t matter if I was there or not. She had seen my hesitation, heard my refusal yesterday. Not wanting to leave my mom, my fear that she would be on her own. And Sofia had needed to remove any barrier to me falling in with her plans.
And my mom had been a barrier. But no longer.
I slapped a hand over my mouth as bile filled it and turned and ran, yanking the door open. I raced straight past Dario and the nurse and shot into the bathroom, which was luckily right in front of me.
I was still hugging the toilet after losing what little lunch I’d eaten when I felt a hand on my back and a bottle of water was pushed into view. I reached out but my hand was shaking so much I was both mortified Dario was here to witness my latest humiliation, and relieved he was holding the bottle. I took a few mouthfuls and spit, and Dario reached over to flush it for me.
He even eased me gently to my feet, then swung me into his arms when my knees failed to lock. I didn’t look at anyone as he carried me from the bathroom, just buried my face in his shirt, and in a few minutes, we were in the car and somehow, even with the seatbelt, I was still held on his lap.
Nonna fussed over me when we got home as she had returned, and after brushing my teeth, I let her tuck me into bed and closed my eyes. I knew Dario was in the room a long time after Nonna left, but I simply ignored him and after a while I heard him leave.
I was numb. How many more hits could I possibly take? Then I thought of the photograph Sofia had shown me. Had I been too innocent by believing her? Should I have asked for proof of life? But I’d had that yesterday with Mom, and it hadn’t helped. The more my mind tried to come up with other explanations, the more I was convinced Mom had been murdered, either as a demonstration of their power to ensure my compliance or to remove her from the picture in case I balked at leaving her.
I rolled on my side and closed my eyes.
“Mamma?” I whispered. She’d been that to me before I started school, but as I got older and wanted to fit in more, she’d become Mom. And she’d never once complained. “I’m so sorry.” I’d let her down. I might even be responsible for her death. Anything could have happened if we’d gone earlier. I should have insisted on going the second Sofia left, instead of playing the perfect husband and pretending my life was real. She would still be alive. I would never forgive myself, never. No matter what Dariosaid or did, I would meet with Sofia tomorrow and go get my brother.
I also knew that if it was true and my little brother really did exist, I didn’t trust Sofia or whoever her mysterious backer was to keep their promise.
I knew the second I signed those divorce papers, we would be running for the rest of our lives.
19
Dario
