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And I feel all used up and so exhausted.
All because I said something stupid, and now my girlfriend isn't answering my calls.
"You look like shit," Quinn observes. "What's up?"
"So...you cannot tell anyone," I say. "But I've been seeing Sophia from the White Oak."
Gavin snorts.
"What?" I ask.
"Yeah, we all knew," Gavin says.
"How? We were discreet, weren't we?"
Gavin shakes his head. "As the man who successfully hid his relationship with a White Oak staff member for months...no, no, you were not," he says. "You kept leaving together and making eyes at each other. You both go out of town at the same time. It was so obvious."
"No offense, Ryan, but you're an honest guy, and you're horrible at keeping secrets," Quinn laughs. "But no one is upset...and obviously we won't spread it around. As far as we're concerned, it remains a rumor."
Diego laughs. "I mean, you two are perfect for each other—the only surprise is that it took this long."
"Bullshit," I say. "I'm almost twenty fucking years older than her."
They all laugh at that, and I realize who I'm talking to right then. Gavin and Quinn both have considerably youngergirlfriends...and Gavin said it for himself that he dated a waitress at the White Oak."
"That sounded worse than I meant it to," I say, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.
"You're good, man," Gavin says with a smirk. "Not all of us have the confidence for this kind of relationship."
"Meaning...?"
"Meaning you need to get over it," Quinn says. "To be blunt, I guess."
"Get over what?"
"We've all had those thoughts," Quinn goes on. "'I'm not good enough for her' or 'I can't give her what she wants.'"
"But she wantsyou," Diego cuts in. "And I get the feeling Sophia Lyonne is the kind of girl who insists on getting what she wants."
"You're right," I mutter. "But I've told her I don't want to have a baby."
"Jesus, that feels fast," Quinn mutters.
"But not that fast," Gavin argues. "When we started talking about having a baby, Kylie was eager to get started. If it feels right..."
"God, it does feel right," I say. "But I can't imagine leaving a child behind so fast."
Diego frowns. "You're acting like you're on death's door, my friend. What the hell is wrong with you? You're not dying, right?"
"How old are you anyway?" Quinn asks.
"Forty-five."
"I don't know what you think is happening here, but...that's a pretty average age to become a parent in this day and age," Gavin shrugs. "And you know—I've got a baby on the way, and I'm going to spend decades showing my little girl exactly how loved she is."
I take a deep breath, their words sinking in. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Sophia and I are good together, and we want the same things. I can't let my fears hold me back from what could be an amazing future.
"You guys are right," I say. "I need to stop being so damn scared and just go for it."
