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No, everything was not okay.
I felt as if my heart was falling into my stomach and at the same time, I felt ravenous. Truth be told, even heartbreak couldn't stop my pregnancy appetite. I'd been so hungry recently, and I'd been gaining weight too. I glanced at Lilly and we both nodded, which meant Lilly's dad nodded.
Then Lilly nodded again, trying to act cool. By that point, we looked like a set of head-bobbing dogs standing in the hallway.
"So," Lilly broke the awkwardness before her dad could ask any more questions. "We're gonna go upstairs."
Again, her dad nodded. No way was he buying our bullshit and he watched as we both scooted up the stairs in haste.
"Oh, your mum is cooking pasta for tea. I'll get her to make some for you too, Eves."
I smiled back down at him and thanked him.
"They obviously don't know you're pregnant yet, you don't have to tell them if you're not ready," Lilly said after shutting her bedroom door.
I shook my head. "They deserve to know, it wouldn't feel right keeping it from them. Besides, I'm getting a little bump, don't you think?"
I lifted my top and lowered my jeans slightly for Lilly to see my stomach. It made her smile, because I did indeed have a tiny bump forming. To everyone else, I'd just look like I'd gained weight. I was thirteen weeks pregnant and as I caressed my stomach, I felt so unsure about our future. Lilly interrupted my thoughts, coming to me with something totally crazy.
"You know what you need?" Lilly asked randomly, so randomly that I stared at her with my mouth slightly agape.
"A party, we need a party."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "In case you have forgotten, I'm pregnant. Hardly the place to be when you're pregnant, is it? Plus, I just broke up with my boyfriend."
"You're pregnant, Eves. That doesn't mean you have to suddenly become a prisoner and not have fun. I know, and that's exactly why you need the distraction."
"I know, but with the current situation..."
"That's exactly why we should have one, help take our minds from it all."
"What, wait. You just saidIneed a party and now you're sayingweshould have one?"
Lilly nodded, "You're not the only one in need of a distraction. I think it will do us both some good."
Her words brought back the subject of her and Nick to the forefront of my mind.
"You can talk to me, you know, about Nick?"
Rolling her eyes Lilly swayed, "We agreed not to."
"That can change, Lil', if you need to talk to me."
"Honestly, Eves, I just wanna forget all about Nick."
I gave her a tight smile and nodded.
"We should have a party," I said and it made her eyebrows raise.
"Just the two of us in our PJ's crying over The Notebook," I added, trying to make a joke.
My body rejected it and didn't even allow me to take joy in my sarcasm.
"In the current situation, I'm proud of you for trying to make a joke," Lilly said seriously.
"Thank you," I gulped.
Part of me wondered if I'd ever be happy again, but the thought of my baby meant I had to be happy. Despite Kit crushing my heart, my baby was—and still would be—a miracle.
