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"I can see why he likes you," he said in his amazing African accent.
I smiled, relaxing slightly into my seat as I bit onto my sleeve.
"What do you miss the most about them?" he asked randomly.
"Wow—jump right in there…"
He nodded. "I'm guessing you're the kind of girl that prefers to cut the shit," he smiled and I nodded.
I bit onto my sleeve harder, thinking about it.
"Myself," I finally answered and he frowned.
I knew I'd need to explain myself.
"I miss them to the ends of the universe, obviously," I said and he nodded. "I miss myself and the person I was when they were here. I'm trying to get that person back but I've struggled."
"What helps?" he asked and again I kept the fabric between my teeth and thought about his question.
"Kit," I answered. "Kit helps."
"You feel more of yourself with him?"
"I feel at home with Kit," I answered honestly and he smiled then sat back in his seat.
Again, I could see the psychiatrist clogs working in his brain.
"These nightmares," he progressed and I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Kit told you?" I questioned him and he nodded.
"So much for patient confidentiality," I said sarcastically.
Again he smiled. "Do you use sarcasm as a way to defend your emotions often?"
"I'd say yes, but honestly I think it's just because I'm a sarcastic twat," I answered and Jerry laughed again.
"You're funny, I grant you that," he said reaching for his glass of water.
"The nightmares I've had since the first kidnapping. Since the night they were murdered."
"What happens in the nightmares?"
"Normally just repeats of what's already happened. Always the two events, the fear of losing the people I've lost normally drives them. In most recent events, it's the fear of losing Kit or something happening to him or the people I care about, because of me."
"You feel this enormity of responsibility that these things happening are your fault?"
"I know certain things wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me being here," I answered.
"I understand," he said, bringing his hands to his mouth.
"I think it would be wise to try and rid yourself of this burden. To try and truly believe that nothing you've done has inflicted pain on anyone else, that people make their own decisions."
"Based on what they want from me. For instance, Ralph wantedthis," I said holding up my arms. "He wanted Delta. If I weren't here, Kit wouldn't have been hurt protecting me."
"I noticed the way you struggled to say,Ralph."
Of course, you did.
