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“I hate this. I don’t want to do it,” I say, my frustration evident.
“Do what, exactly?” He waits for my response patiently, giving me time to collect myself, the way he always does, like he knows that’s what I need.
“You don’t fucking know me,” I mumble under my breath.
“What?”
Irritated, I stare back without repeating myself.
“We’ll find you another job. Hell, I can probably get you a job with me.”
I scoff. “Yeah, like that’s not the last fucking thing I want.”
“This isn’t just about the job, is it?”
Why does he just know things I’m not saying? I groan. “It’s everything, Troy. You act like you’re my boyfriend. My boss–ex boss–thinks you’re my boyfriend. You’re not my boyfriend, and this isn’t your problem.”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I was mad and feeling a little protective of you. I know we aren’t there yet.”
“That doesn’t even matter. What matters is I lost my job tonight because of you. You promised dating wouldn’t negatively affect other parts of my life.”
“You’re still scared.” He doesn’t ask me.
“You think?” I roll my eyes. “I’ve been good at taking care of myself my entire life until you got here. Now it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s too overwhelming, and I don’t want it.”
“Look, Lexy.” He steps toward me, his hands resting at the nape of my neck on either side before continuing. I pull back, but not enough for him to break his hold. “This relationship shit is hard for me too. I’m sorry I acted on impulse. My fight or flight is not always in check, but I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you did. It doesn’t even matter. I’m always going to get let down eventually, so what’s the point?” I defend my anger even though it’s coming from so many angles my arguments feel chaotic.
“I know you feel that way because it’s shaped your life. You know I get it. I have a general anxiety around it some days still. I don’t want to take that out on you, though. It’s not the aftermath of what you did, and you shouldn’t be punished for it. I shouldn’t be either.”
“Yeah, well.” My thought stops there. I don’t know what the fuck I think.
He takes a breath.
I look to the ground, focusing between us on the line that splits between the street light glow and the shadows. “I think we need to take some time apart.”
“Don’t do this.” He’s still gripping my neck, and his thumb forces my chin up until I’m looking at him again.
“What?” I feign ignorance, pulling away from his touch and refusing to admit to my actions. I know I’m driving him insane. I’m driving myself insane. Yet, I refuse to back down.
“Don’t play dumb either. You’re projecting feelings about your mom’s choices onto me. I’m not her.” He sighs when he catches my glare at his accusation.
I consider his words. They make too much sense and none at all. “I’m really mad at you.”
“You’re entitled to however you feel, but so am I. I know I took it too far with Todd tonight, but if you can’t forgive me for caring about you, that’s something you need to take into consideration when you decide what’s next for us. I’m not a bad guy, Lexy. It took me a long time to believe that. Please don’t make me feel like I am.”
I stare back, unsure how to respond.
He resigns, and my traitorous heart sinks. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you need to take a few days and think about whether you’re willing to trust me despite your anxiety about it. Every time we make progress, something knocks us backward. I want to be patient. I want to be with you, but you have to want this.”
Nodding, I fidget with my key in my hand. “Bye, Troy,” I whisper before meeting his gaze for a second then turning away to get in my car.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
LEXY
Thepastfewdayshave been torture–emotionally and physically. I know if I go back to Troy, I have to commit completely. I still haven’t found a job–I haven’t even looked. I know I can always fall back on the Pub, my first job, because the manager has asked me to come back more than once. I can afford to take a few weeks off, and I thought it would give me time to think about things, but all I’ve been doing is stressing out–and missing Troy.
