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I need stress relief.
The early morning sun streams through my window as I reach over from where I’m lying on my bed and pull on my nightstand drawer handle. I haven’t opened this in a few weeks. The only thing I keep in here is an extra phone charger and my vibrator. Oh, and the few notes Troy has left me. Without looking, I feel around in the drawer for my hot pink toy. Instead, my hand lands on something I can’t place. I sit.
Noticing the new note first, I pick it up. Written in Troy’s slanted, barely legible handwriting on a piece of receipt paper it says,Not a Valentine’s Day gift.
What day is it? I tap my phone screen to reveal today’s date. Oh. I didn’t even think about the holiday since I don’t currently have a job. The upside is I don’t have to work Valentine’s Day which is a terrible day as a bartender. At the Pub, it was always cute couples that felt like they were using a Hallmark holiday as their reason to treat each other to a special night of each other’s company. At Shot in the Dark, the day is filled with a combination of single sad people and predatory men trying to pick up entire Galentines’ Day groups–or whatever the fuck they call themselves.
I’ve never actually dated anyone, let alone over a holiday. Was I supposed to do something? How did this even get here? Troy hasn’t been over in almost a week.
I catch myself smiling as I add the note to my collection of receipts in the back of my drawer. I’m the least sentimental person I know, so I have no idea why I’ve kept these.
Under where the note was is a new phone case. I pull it out. It’s red, of course, and when I flip it over, I see it has a metal loop on the back, the kind you slide your finger into so it’s easier to hold your phone. It’s also a bottle opener. Damn, that’s kind of cool. I set it on my nightstand and open my text thread with Troy. The most recent text is from him four nights ago letting me know he was on his way to see me at work.
Me:I found your gift.
Troy:Just now?
Is he shocked it took me this long to resort to my vibrator?
Troy:I thought you would have opened that drawer sooner. Unless…
Me:Unless what?
Troy:Nothing. Nevermind.
Me:Wait, did you think I was hooking up with other people this week?
My heart sinks at the thought. I don’t blame him for it, though. It’d be pretty on brand for me. I watch the typing bubbles for what feels like forever.
Troy:I’m glad you found your case. I got it last week. Hopefully you don’t already have a new one.
Me:I don’t. Thank you. I couldn’t have picked a better one myself. I love it.
Me:I didn’t hook up with anyone else either.
Troy:Okay.
I can feel his cold shoulder through the phone. The anxiety that has made itself right at home in my body bubbles to the surface. Knowing I need to dosomething, I log into my Soul Cycle account and sign up for the next available class.
TROY
Dropping the free weight from higher than I should, it hits the ground hard, rolling on its edge once before compressing into the mat. I give up on my workout. With my lack ofgive a fuck, it’s wasted effort anyway. I haven’t gotten much sleep the past four days. I can’t help but wonder if Lexy hasn’t been sleeping well either, considering her text came through at 7:30 this morning–far earlier than either of us ever wake.
I pick up the weight and place it back on the rack, so I’m not as big of a jackass as I currently feel like I am. Confliction is what has been keeping me up at night. I’d punch Todd again in a heartbeat for putting his hands on the girl I.No. I shake my head, clearing the thought that I could possibly love Lexy already. I know her well enough to know I should have refrained from stepping in, regardless of how I felt about it.
I do what Cooper’s parents, Melissa and Mike, have taught me about respect and what it takes to be in a healthy relationship, but I keep falling fucking short–first with Emily, now with Lexy. This time I really thought it was going to work, though. Lexy and I connect on a level I didn’t realize was possible, and not just physically.
It was hard not to cave when she texted this morning. It’s been a while since I’ve gone three days without seeing her, and I’ve hated it. I still want this to work, but I can’t do it alone. I need her to want this too. A shot of relief rushed through me when she confirmed she hasn’t slept with anyone else, but it wasn’t enough to convince me she’s willing to commit to us and not push back on any progress we make.
I slip my hoodie over my head, reaching for my phone and keys from the pocket of my gym shorts as I head for the door.
Sliding the key in the ignition, I twist it part way to only turn on the interior features and scroll through my contacts. My phone connects to the bluetooth as I hitcall,and it rings on the other end. There’s a soft click when she picks up. “Hello, Troy?” Her soothing voice comes through my car speakers.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hey, honey. Is everything okay?” Cooper’s mom asks, knowing I never call anyone.
“Yeah… No.” I admit, knowing she’ll see right through me and there’s no use in toning down my mood. She might not be my biological mom, but the way she knows me, she might as well be. “I met someone.”
