AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“There’s a common expression about how successful relationships should be 100% on each side all the time. I’ve never believed that. Do you both have to be committed to working through the lows as much as celebrating the highs? Of course. It won’t work otherwise. But there’s also a difference between not being willing to work through it and needing help maneuvering through the struggle. Someone once told me the best thing I could do in any relationship is to meet people where they are based ontheirpersonal experience and the lessons they’ve learned. That doesn’t always align with age or circumstances. There are so many factors. That’s what makes a good team, Troy. You and Lexy might have a lot of your pasts in common which can be helpful on a level of understanding each other. But the differences in how you experienced those similar pasts are what brings different perspectives to the table, and that can be just as important. Sometimes it might be you that needs to step up and guide her down the path. At some point, she’ll be able to do the same for you.”
I’m hit with deja vu. I vaguely recall a similar pep talk directed at Cooper. It didn’t hit the way it does now. If Lexy can commit to us in general, I can help her get through her insecurities. I had Cooper and our parents to help me work through my family shit. Hell, all my football friends, fraternity brothers and even Lauren played roles in pulling me from my toxic spirals with Emily too. Lexy hardly has that kind of team behind her. As long as she comes back, I know we can make this work.
I adjust my seat back upright and start my car all the way. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you next week.”
“Okay, sweetie. Can’t wait. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I say the words easily, wondering if I’ll ever get the chance to say them to the only other girl I imagine having a significant impact on my life.
LEXY
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath as my phone falls in what feels like slow motion to the concrete outside Soul Cycle as I reach for the door.Please do not be broken.I send out a silent prayer with a curse to myself for being so careless with my caseless phone. My stubborn ass refused to put my new case on this morning so I wouldn’t be reminded of Troy during my ride–as if that would help.
Thank God my phone seems unharmed as I slide it in the pocket of my leggings before a second attempt at entering the building. Maybe I’d be less of a mess if I’d gotten any sleep at all last night. I’ve never had an issue sleeping until now. A groan leaves me as my head collapses on my arms on the receptionist's counter. Todd. Troy. My job. Everything is a mess.
“Are you alright, Lexy? You're here much later than normal.” Hannah’s voice is so soft it’s barely loud enough to get my attention, but I lift my head to look at her through the fake eyelashes I never took off last night.
I groan again in response, feeling hungover even though I haven’t had any alcohol.
“Jared is here today,” Hannah adds in a hopeful tone.
“At least there’s that. Thanks, Hannah,” I force a smile as I take a towel from her and drag myself into the cycle room.
I find a bike in the back corner and adjust it before swinging a leg over the seat. I don’t even bother taking my sweater off. I can’t imagine I have enough energy to work up a sweat right now.Why am I even here?Jared runs through the side entrance and onto the stage, exploding with energy I typically try to absorb. Today, I want none of it. Every part of me feels like shit, and I have no idea what could possibly make me feel better.
“Who is ready to CLIMB today?!” Jared yells through his mic.
Not me. Considering my starting point is deep in a hole right now, it sounds like far too much work. I turn my dial all the way to the left, so there’s no resistance. My feet spin out of control in jagged strokes without any pressure pushing back. I turn the resistance up just enough to maintain control.
“This course is going to be tough today, but you got this. First hill starts right out of the gate. Turn two full turns to the right and find your momentum. Chase the burn.”
I leave my dial where it is and keep cruising with minimal effort.
His eyes scan the room then stop on me. “Lexy, what the hell are you doing?”
I mean-mug him while continuing my casual pedal strokes.
“Keep climbing this hill, everyone. Three minutes until the end of the song before recovery.” He pulls his headset mic off as he hops off his bike and heads toward me in the back row.
“What’s happening right now?” He grips his fingers around my handlebars. “Where is Lexy?” he asks when I meet his gaze.
“I don’t know.”
“Why aren’t you pushing through your ride like you usually do?”
“It’s too hard,” I mumble.
“What is? Because I know it sure as hell isn’t this hill you’ve climbed a hundred times.”
“Everything. I have no control over anything right now.” As the words leave my mouth, my foot flies off the pedal where I never clicked my shoe in place. The pedal spins in a circle scraping against my shin as it passes by and breaks through the skin. Fuck.
Jared only glances down at my stopped bike for a moment before meeting my gaze again. “The things you’re wanting control over…do youhave control over them, but you’re telling yourself you don’t?”
I stare back blankly, not wanting to dig deep enough to find an answer I won’t like.
He continues. “What would give you the confidence to feel like you can handle the things in your life that feel out of control?”
Troy. The answer pops into my head instantly, and my heart flutters as my anxiety spikes at the thought of him. I think partly I feel out of control because I don’t have a vision for my life. I’ve always only focused on each day as it comes. I always have a back up plan, but it's for short term survival. Thinking beyond that has never seemed realistic or necessary.
