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The other night, though, when I was yelling at Troy for getting me fired, I also had this weird feeling that I wasn’t actually worried at all. I know I can easily get another bartending job, but I think it was more than that. I think for some reason I trust Troy to ground me and to help me find my way if I get lost. He keeps showing up. No matter how many times I push him away or how often I frustrate him, he doesn’t abandon me. I don’t know if it’s because he just understands or if he specifically understands me, but it feels like the latter–in a way I’ve never experienced before. Hell, I didn't even try to push my mom away, and she still left. Yet here Troy is, coming back like a yo-yo on a string every damn time, and I never stopped to consider the significance of what that tells me about him.
Even though Troy and I have never talked about our futures and what we want them to look like, for the first time Iwantto look past today, tomorrow or next week–with him,becauseof him.
“Seems like you know the answer?” Jared questions without pushing for me to say it aloud.
I nod.
“Are you ready to climb this hill now?”
I nod again. I’m tempted to go see Troy now–to apologize, to hope he hasn’t given up on me yet–but he’s probably getting ready for work. I’ll go after class.
“Alright. Let’s fucking go.” With that he pushes off the handlebars of my bike and spins on his heel, heading back to the stage.
I clip my shoes into the pedals and increase the resistance.
I need to fix this. I want to fix this. I’mreadyto fix this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
LEXY
Thereisabsolutelynogame plan in my head as I walk into 3rd Base. I’m not positive Troy is working tonight, but I slide into a seat at the bar anyway, not wanting to wait any longer to talk to him.
“Hey, Lexy?”
I glance up to see a beautiful strawberry-blonde, in a black bodycon dress, her spunky ponytail tied up with a red ribbon. Thank God I’m not the jealous type. Not like it’ll matter if I can’t get Troy to believe I’m sorry and that I can actually commit. “Hey, Lauren.”
She smiles at my recognition of her. “Looking for Troy?”
“Yeaaah.”
“I saw him in the back. I think there’s a few minutes until his shift starts. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You look kind of down for someone who has a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.”
My heart stutters at the title, creating a panic that almost makes me leave. I’ve wondered how close she and Troy are outside of their arrangement. He must not tell her everything. I like that he hasn’t shared my mess. She senses my hesitation, although she can’t tell it has nothing to do with her. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk to me. I get it. But for the record, I’m really happy for him. I’m glad he found you.” I immediately like her vibe. Am I saying vibe now? Maci and Troy are rubbing off on me.
“Thanks… actually…”
She leans forward onto the white bar top separating us, propped up by her elbows. “Talk to me,” she demands in her peppy but somehow encouraging tone, as if we are best friends sharing secrets.
“I kind of messed up.”
“Well, I doubt it’s unfixable, or I would have heard about it. What’s going on?” She turns around to the tap behind her and pours a Mango Cart. When she sets it in front of me, I give her a look. She laughs. “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about considering how many Lexy fun facts I’ve been told already.”
“I will give it to him, he pays attention better than any guy I’ve ever met. It’s unfair really. I feel like I don’t know anywhere close to what he knows about me.”
“Well, if you’re going to like someone, Troy is a good option. He’s a great guy. I mean that platonically, of course.” She looks guilty, like she might have upset me.
“I’m not worried.” I chuckle. “Those aren’t the trust issues I have.”
“What is it then?”
“I’m not good at letting someone else take care of me. It’s hard to rely on someone, ya know?”
“Because they might let you down?”
