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“That they were murderers?” The words were biting.
I found myself bristling, if for no other reason than admitting the truth would further fuel her increasing disdain. “I knew enough.”
“Then why? You’re intelligent as well as articulate, at least when you speak in full sentences. How does a man like you get involved with such a murderous organization that you called it a family?” She walked closer, folding her arms. “Why? There had to be a reason other than the lure of money or some power trip. You had a family once. Didn’t you?”
“I had my reasons.” Family. The single word conjured up far too many distant memories.
“That you were ready to tell me before. So, confide in me. I’m obviously not going anywhere.”
“I have to go out.” I couldn’t even look her in the eyes.
Snorting, she shook her head. “You actually refuse to tell me any truths. I care about you, Blade. I shouldn’t. God knows I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“No, you shouldn’t.”
“You keep telling me you’re the horrible person then you do everything in your power to get me to adore you,” she quipped. “And I do. I just… do.”
I had no idea how to counter her comment. “Crystal. Don’t.”
“I know. Don’t give a damn about you. You’d prefer to be alone. Blah. Blah. Blah.” She hissed and looked away, the tension returning. “You left this job you seemed to love because you didn’t want a woman and a child to be killed. To me, that states very clearly that you’re one of the good guys.”
“I already told you. You don’t know me very well. And I had no love for what I was doing. I loathed every minute of every day. The blood on my hands finally stained what was left of my heart.” Why did the words seem to echo? An intense pain formed behind my eyes, snapping at my mental capacity. We were both lost in a sea of violence with no end game that would allow us to come out unscathed.
Inching even closer, she rested her hand on the kitchen island. “Trust me for a change, Blade. You asked me to trust you so at least indulge me with the real reason you had no other choice but to give your life over to a monster.”
Now just didn’t seem to be the right time. Was there really any good time to explain why you sold your soul to the devil?
“I’m going out and you need to listen to me very carefully.” I slapped the clip into my Glock for a change and slipped it into the waistband of my jeans before walking around the island. She backed away, a disgusted expression on her face.
“Stay inside with the doors locked. Do not defy you again.” She laughed bitterly after saying the words.
I eased a strand of hair from her face before lifting her chin with a single finger. “I know I sound harsh but there is no room for error. Any additional mistakes made will be our last.” I rubbed my thumb across her lips, taking a deep breath as the sensations prickled my skin. “I won’t be long.”
“Don’t go. Please.”
Exhaling, I tossed my head in the direction of the counter. “There is a burner phone. I purchased two. The second number is programmed into this one.” As I handed her the cell phone, I could tell how much she was shaking.
“Where are you going?” she asked, her tone hushed.
“To find out information.”
“On the Desperados or on this Sanchez family being in town? Or maybe Carter?”
I exhaled before taking a look out the bank of doors. High tide was rolling in.
“The mark on your back is a brand, isn’t it?” Her words were laced with such defiance.
Shooting her a look, I clenched my fist in an effort to release my anger. “Yes, Crystal.El Hefeenjoys branding his people. It’s a statement to anyone in and out of the cartel. Plus, he enjoys inflicting pain.”
“And you don’t?”
“No, the fucking truth is I don’t, except for women who need a hard spanking. Is that what you wanted to hear?” I crowded her space. “Or do you want to hear details of what I was required to do, the anguish I was required to inflict? Huh? Will that keep you away from me?”
“You’re a bastard.”
The hard crack of her hand across my face was fitting, the jar creating a ring in my ears. “Yeah, I am.” Everything was spinning, my heart racing as the past slipped into the forefront of my mind, dragging me into my own private hell. I could see images of Dane, his broken and beaten body. I’d never forgotten the way he’d looked at me, pleading for me to leave and to allow him to die.
But I’d refused. Instead, I’d taken his place, accepting his debt to the man who’d stripped both Dane and me of our self-worth. Closing my eyes, I tried to force away the ugliness, but you can never run from your past forever. I was angry, ready to lash out at the world. Grabbing her arms, I towered over her, leaning down until our lips almost touched. “There is no excuse for what I’ve become. None.”
