Page 103 of If We Say Goodbye


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The three of us walk across the lawn and up the wooden steps to the porch. Once inside, we set our shoes on the rack, lined up neatly.

Jordy scoots past me, making his way to the stairs. I catch him by the back of his backpack.

“Not so fast,” I say.

He groans. “I have to watch it too?”

“Yes, of course. Don’t you want to see who you’re named after?”

“The names aren’t even spelled the same,” he says with a blank expression.

“One episode. That’s all I’m asking. If you hate it, you can leave.”

He lets his backpack fall to the ground. “Okay, but only if you help me with my math homework again.”

“Deal,” I say, running into the living room to plop down on the couch. “You won’t regret it.”

“I’m going to make some popcorn,” Caleb says, heading into the kitchen.

Jordy saunters into the living room, eyeing all of the seating options. He chooses to sit next to me despite the entirely empty loveseat.

He peers up at me. “So, why do you like this show so much?”

“I grew up watching it with my dad.”

At first, he was the only one that watched it. Mom and Ethan weren’t into the same types of shows. As I got older, I started to watch them with Dad, and the shows became the staple of our relationship, forever intertwined with good memories at every stage of my life.

My heart tightens as I think of him. I wish Dad would let me in again.

“That’s something I think I would’ve liked to do.” His gaze drops. “I don’t remember my dad very well.”

“I’m sorry. That’s probably hard.”

Jordy shrugs. “Yeah, sometimes. He was sad and angry a lot, but I do remember some happy things.” He smiles big, showing me the big toothless grin I’ve come to love. “He used to take me to the park a couple of streets down, the big one, and push me on the swings. I love that park. It’s my favorite. And then, sometimes he’d teach me jokes in Korean so that when my family came to visit, I could make them laugh. I liked that. My cousins thought I was really funny.” He leans in, cupping a hand over his mouth as he whispers, “One of the jokes had a bad word.”

I laugh just as Caleb comes back into the room with an overflowing bowl of popcorn. “Can I sit by my girlfriend?” he asks, looking directly at Jordy.

“She’s my friend too.” Jordy crosses his arms in defiance.

“It’s different.”

“Why? Can’t you stare at her from over there?” Jordy says, pointing at the easy chair tucked in the corner.

“Not going to happen,” Caleb says.

Jordy sits up taller, raising his eyebrows. “Well, I’m not moving unless you make me.”

Caleb sets the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table. “Careful what you ask for,” he says as he comes closer with a sly smile.

Jordy pulls his legs up and hides his face as if he thinks that’ll make him harder to find. Caleb tickles his brother’s sides, and Jordy squeals. We’re all laughing as Jordy pushes me forward to make enough space to duck behind me. But it doesn’t stop Caleb.

“Okay. Okay. I give up,” Jordy says, raising his hand. “Imaginary white flag.” He jumps off the couch in a hurry and knocks over the bowl of popcorn. It scatters across the floor.

His face drops, completely void of any trace of his smile. “I’m sorry.”

I get off the couch and bend down to start cleaning it up. “It’s okay. Things happen. We’ll just make some more, right?” I shoot a glance at Caleb.

“Right on it,” he says.

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