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“Why?” I yell. “Why do you have to? No one wants you to do that! It’s in your head!”
She sucks in a ragged breath. “Do you hear yourself? Ethan never talked to me that way!”
“Why don’t you just say it? I know you want to. Say you wish I died instead of Ethan!”
She slaps my face, sending a jarring pain through my jaw. “Don’t you ever say that again!”
Her eyes immediately widen, and she looks at her hand in horror.
Caleb leaps to my side, tugging me away from Mom. “Let’s go.”
I shake him off, keeping my eyes on Mom, despite the tears filling them. “I hate you.” I turn away, running to the door. “I’m going with Dad.”
Caleb follows close behind. “That’s not what I meant. Please stop, and let’s talk about this.”
I pass Jordy without really seeing him. My shirt slips off of my shoulder, and I don’t bother to fix it. I rub my cheek, trying to make the sting go away, even though the emotional damage hurts more than the physical.
“Dad!” I call out.
He isn’t waiting like he’s supposed to. He’s heading to his car that’s parked by the sidewalk. He opens the door without acknowledging the sound of my voice.
I run faster through the yard, my feet sloshing in the wet grass until I’m close enough for the scent of alcohol to fill my senses. I wrap my arms around his waist like I’m a small child again. My hands grip his jacket, and I bury my head into him, muffling my sobs. “Don’t go,” I cry.
He sways, trying to push me away. “Get off.”
I squeeze him tighter. I need him to want me. To need me. To let me be his little girl again.
He pries my arms off and shoves me back, throwing himself off balance. “It’s your fault.” His voice trembles with each word.
I take a step backward. “What did you say?” I ask, my throat drying up.
His eyes are full of so much hatred, and they’re locked on me. He waves his finger in my direction accusingly. “The accident was your fault.”
I shake my head.
My Dad. My friend. My confidant.
He hates me.
My face is hot. I need the pain to stop.
“Ethan is dead because of you!”
My mouth drops open, and my lungs lose all their air as my tears plow down my face.
I can’t breathe. I can’t think. His words echo a million times over. I’m nothing more than a speck of dust in this big world. Worthless. All this time I’ve tried to push the memories of Ethan away because they kept reminding me of the truth. Iamthe reason Ethan is dead.
“If you hadn’t been in the car that day, he would still be here!”
I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. “Please,” I whisper.
Dad’s tears start to fall, and he turns away, wiping his face on his sleeve. “I can’t look at you anymore.”
My sobs bubble out as my chest heaves. “Dad, please.” I grab onto him again. “You can’t drive right now.”
He jerks away.
“Dad!” He can hate me all he wants, but I can’t let him drive away and end up like Ethan. I take out my phone, barely able to hold onto it from how badly my hands are shaking. “Please, let’s call Uncle Joe.”
