Page 72 of If We Say Goodbye


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“Hey,” he said, reaching for the phone.

I held it out of reach.

His eyes darted around. Then, without warning, he unbuckled himself.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“Getting my—”

A car slammed into his door. Glass shattered around him. His body was violently thrown against the dash, and then back into his seat.

I screamed as my head whipped to the side, colliding into the airbag like a sack of rocks. My heart raced. It took a moment for me to snap back to reality. To realize that it wasn’t a sick dream.

Ethan’s hand twitched, but his eyes were closed and blood dripped from his forehead.

“Ethan!” I yelled.

My chest burned. I breathed in so much air that my hands started going numb. Still, I reached over to shake his shoulder. “Ethan, wake up!”

He didn’t move.

I cupped his bleeding head in my hands. “Open your eyes!” I screamed. “Please! You can play the music as loud as you want. Just open your eyes!”

He stayed lifeless.

“You can’t die! I need you! Open your eyes!”

It didn’t matter how much I begged, he didn’t move.

Sirens and flashing lights showed up in an instant. Before I knew it, paramedics were opening my door.

“You have to help my brother! Please,” I cried. “He’s bleeding, and he won’t wake up.” My words come out slurred from my sobs.

“We’re doing all we can,” the paramedic said.

“Tell me he’ll be okay.”

She moved to help me out of the car.

I squirmed away. “Tell me! Tell me he’s going to be okay, or I won’t get out!”

“I need you to remain calm. We are going to help your brother,” she said.

“No! You don’t understand. I need you to promise me he’s going to be okay!” My head felt light and dizzy.

The paramedic looked at Ethan, and her gaze fell.

That’s when I blacked out.

I deserve to be dead.

Not him.

And I never got to tell him sorry.

I try to shake the memory away because it’s physically painful.

Tears pour out of me in violent sobs. I stagger back, running into Ethan’s dresser. My eyes are glued to the phone in horror. My breath is sucked out of me, and my chest heaves as I gasp for air.

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